Sex Talk: Lady, beware of your 40s

What is the age where your marriage may go to die, depending on how and when your perimenopause decides to manifest.

I know one woman who went into full menopause at 36. My friend, when the Bible says that God’s people perish because of lack of knowledge, it is spot on. I hate to imagine the number of women that walk out of marriages simply because hormones pulled a fast one on them!

It is not a coincidence that for marriages that have survived to 15 years and above, when divorce or separation happen, the wife is usually in her forties. They call it ‘grey divorce’.

One online resource attributes this to perimenopausal shifts that lower a woman’s tolerance for BS. But my friend, if you know your body well, you will recognize some of these bizarre changes and seek professional help, instead of simply throwing in the towel.

One husband narrated: “Understanding how perimenopause works saved my marriage. The change was too intense to ignore.”

“For example, she was so thoughtful, she always woke up at 5am to make breakfast before the children and I left – look, we had a maid – then she would pack for me a light lunch or brunch and affectionately walk me to the car. Everyday.”

“But then, I noticed with time, I would return in the evening and find the same wife sulking, not talking to me, or trying to pick a fight. It was not making sense.”

Thanks to Dr Google, this man researched about his wife’s increasing aggression and heightened quarrelsomeness, “and that is how I learnt about perimenopause”.

He, in turn, waited for when the hormones were having a good day, and used date night to explain to his wife what was going on, and how it was time for her to start taking food supplements and seeing her gynaecologist for advice.

Their marriage still stands firm. Perimenopause is the transitional period preceding a woman’s menopause. Perimenopause is the body’s way of warning that it is running out of monthly blood supplies… According to experts, this transitional period can last anywhere between four to ten years, and can start at any age, depending on when your body was designed to go into menopause.

So, for the small percentage of women who go into menopause in their thirties, you can imagine the havoc in their poor, young marriages, if they remain clueless. If your menopause is going to come at 55, the years after 45 can be tricky, because perimenopause comes with fluctuating and declining estrogen and progesterone – the hormones that make us uniquely women and feminine.

This hormonal change can be ‘funny’; it can make a formerly high-libido wife lose all interest in sex, but it can also make another wife elsewhere suddenly acutely interested in sex.

Both can catch a husband off guard, depending on where his own libido stands. A woman can become irritable and less tolerant of your BS, which you will call nagging and quarrelsome.

She will experience hot flashes, facial hair, heavy menses, depression, near-psychotic episodes (or hallucinations), weight gain or weight loss, mood swings, hair loss, vaginal dryness, elevated blood pressure, etc, and all these are capable of breaking the most solid marriage, if not recognized for what they represent.

So, madam, if you know your body well, you will notice that your once quiet, submissive self has evolved into a mouthy, jealous witch you no longer recognize. Luckily, the market is flooded with supplements that help mitigate the effects.

Talk to a pharmacist or gyn. Magnesium and other mineral supplements, as well as plant-based supplements like Ashwagandha (or combos) are on the shelves of any good pharmacy. Find some and stop people from thinking their boss is losing her marbles, or their wife needs to be replaced!

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