My Best Friend Set Me Up With a Man She Was Dating

When Funmilola* (40) met Amara* in university, she never imagined that the woman who would become her best friend would eventually betray her in the worst way possible.

This is Funmilayo’s Story As Told To Sofiyah

Fifteen years ago, when I was in my final year of university, I met my best friend, Amara*. We were in the same faculty but in different departments, and she was the kind of person everyone liked to call a “happening babe.” Amara has always been a social butterfly, and there were times when I thought it would be nice to be her friend. So, when she approached my table at the school’s main buka joint because everywhere was packed, I struck up a conversation with her, and that was the beginning of our story.

After our first conversation at the buka, Amara and I began to meet up, and before we knew it, we became so tight-knit in a way that you couldn’t see me without seeing Amara, and vice versa. Even our families became friends. Amara was someone I trusted with all my heart, and I never felt I had to doubt her, so when she introduced Ade* to me a few months after our graduation and said she thought we would make good partners, I didn’t find it suspicious. Amara was aware of how unlucky I was with romance, and since my parents were on my neck about getting married, I thought her matchmaking me with Ade was really thoughtful.

Ade presented himself as a very nice person. He is a well-spoken and intentional man, and I, along with my parents, really liked that. Even Amara’s parents, after I brought Ade to them, liked him. Amara’s sister, Chikamma*, however, was a different story. She was so hostile to Ade, and although I found that kind of hostility weird, because Chikamma is a sweet girl, I waved it off because I believed it was her being protective.

Almost two years after meeting Ade, he and I got married, and it was the most beautiful wedding ever. I had Amara as my chief bridesmaid, and I was getting married to a man I thought was the love of my life. What more could a girl ask for, really? In our marriage, I was trapped in that honeymoon bubble for over six months until it popped. Before we got married, Ade told me his job would occasionally require him to travel for two to three weeks, and I told him I didn’t mind, even though a part of me did because I don’t like being alone for long periods.

So, when he started travelling, I would keep myself busy with work or just be on long phone calls with Amara, because usually around the time Ade was out of state, she was also conveniently never around. Whenever I hung out with Chikamma during those periods and started talking about how much I missed both Ade and Amara, she would stare at me with so much pity, but I didn’t really deep it.

I only began to suspect that Ade was cheating on me two years into our marriage. The suspicion took root when he continued to use a condom with me even though I told him I was ready to have a baby. He told me that he was not ready to be a father. I thought it was even because of his constant travel, so when I met one of his coworkers at an event, I joked to her that work was always making my husband travel, and she laughed before asking, “Which travel?”

That was how I found out that work was not making my husband travel anywhere, and he has just been lying to my face since we got married. Instead of confronting him immediately, I confided in Amara, who immediately got angry on my behalf. As we kept talking, she asked me to calm down and tried to argue that maybe he wasn’t cheating. That infuriated me because I knew he was her friend too, but what could be the reason for him travelling for almost two weeks every two months?

I remember leaving her place and going home to confront him about it. His reason for travelling lacked conviction. He said he liked having quiet time to himself, but I didn’t believe that rubbish, so I asked to go through his phone. He easily handed it over to me, but apart from his chat with me, his co-workers, parents, and Amara, there was nothing, so I gaslit myself into believing what he said. After that, I told him he couldn’t travel for “work” unless he actually showed me proof that it was a work-assigned trip. It caused some issues, but the travelling stopped, and I had my husband to myself.

When Ade stopped travelling, I noticed that Amara suddenly became cold to me. She wouldn’t pick up my calls, she would cancel our weekly hangouts, and she constantly made excuses not to see me. I kept obsessing over it until her mum called one day and asked me if I knew who Amara’s lover was. I didn’t even think Amara had a lover because she had always called herself a working-class babe who did not need love, so when I told her mum this, she told me that it couldn’t be possible because Amara was pregnant and didn’t want to talk about who was responsible.

That was information I wasn’t privy to, and after I hung up, I called her to ask about it. She said she didn’t want to talk about it because the man, who was responsible for it, had been ignoring her calls. When I told her to give me his number so I could call him, she suddenly got shifty, and so I assumed she was just ashamed or something. That evening, when Ade came back from work, I told him about it because I was genuinely worried about Amara, and his reaction was…jarring. He suddenly got angry and asked me if Amara was his business, and why I was telling him rubbish like that. Amara was his friend, so I didn’t understand why he reacted like that.

For weeks, Ade moved through the house like a very angry bull, so I assumed that he was just angry about something, and when he was ready to talk, he would tell me. I didn’t even particularly care too much about what he was going through because I was worried about Amara and her decision to remain silent about the man responsible for her pregnancy, even though everyone was on her neck about it. The only person who was apathetic about her situation was Chikamma, and I noticed that every time she opened her mouth, it was to tell Amara she deserved whatever was happening to her.

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I was so pissed off by Chikamma’s behaviour, and despite Amara telling me not to confront her, I called Chikamma to let her know what she was doing to Amara was unfair, and just because she got pregnant while unmarried does not mean she should be judged for it. When I was done talking, Chikamma said she would like to tell me a story, and even though I thought it was weird, I allowed her.

She started telling me a story about an Igbo girl and a Yoruba boy who met when the girl was in her first year of university. They loved each other a lot, but because the boy’s parents would rather die than let their son marry an Igbo girl, they decided to find a way to be together without breaking up. So, the girl thought it would be a good idea to matchmake the boy with her naive Yoruba best friend so she could still date him behind said best friend’s back. For years, while the best friend remained unaware, they kept dating and concocted lies to the best friend about travelling for work. The boy also uses a condom with her best friend because the girl does not want him impregnating any person that is not her.

When Chikamma started telling the story, my brain didn’t process anything until it got to the part about the Yoruba best friend, and that was the moment I almost went mad. After the story ended, I thanked Chikamma. I understood that out of loyalty to Amara, she didn’t tell me, but I remembered all the times she would make Ade uncomfortable every time he was in her vicinity, so I was very appreciative of that.

Honestly, it would have made sense if the first thing I did after finding out that my husband and my best friend have been tricking me right from day one was to go on a killing rampage, but I called my parents and told them that my husband has impregnated someone else, and I don’t think I want to have anything to do with him anymore. They didn’t even ask questions or try to persuade me to talk to him. They found a driver to come pick me up immediately, and they called Ade’s parents to let them know that they would be returning my bride price.

When Ade and Amara found out that I knew what was going on between them, they tried their best to reach out, but I was very numb because who would be callous enough to do that to someone? If Amara hadn’t gotten pregnant, I wouldn’t have found out, and I would have continued with him for more years, completely unaware. About six months after I left Ade, his parents found out about Amara, and since they couldn’t be tribalistic when a child, that they’d been asking for was now involved, they allowed them to have their small wedding.

It wasn’t until their daughter turned six months old that Ade and I’s divorce finally went through. He and Amara are still asking for forgiveness, but I do not want to have anything to do with them. Many years have passed, and I still do not want anything to do with them. I haven’t even fully processed how much that incident has caused me to completely give up on romance in particular. I don’t think I can trust anyone anymore because if my best friend could do that to me, who’s to say another person wouldn’t?