I want to divorce my husband because he earns less than me, misuses his money, wants to control mine

So essentially, he is contributing nothing despite working full time. We are always getting into fights whenever I question what he does with his money. I am tired of this. I have been saving with the bank and currently, I have saved Sh2.3 million. I am also part of chama where we are contributing Sh5,000 every month. I want to lease a plot of land and build up temporary mabati rentals within the Nairobi metropolitan areas. My husband on the other hand wants to buy a Sh5 million lorry financed at 90 percent and use me as a guarantor. I think it’s a bad idea and I want out. How do I secure my financial future and the future of my children given that signs are showing that this marriage may not last? If I were to move out, how should I budget my Sh130,000 net salary? What should I save and invest in?

THE ANSWER: Jacqueline, out of your combined monthly income of Sh190,000 your disclosed expenses plus chama savings total Sh63,000. In addition to your husband’s monthly demand of Sh20,000 that totals Sh83,000 meaning you jointly have over Sh100,000 that’s not accounted for. On your side, your detailed spending amounts to Sh53,000 leaving out Sh77,000 unaccounted. On his side, Sh50,000 is unaccounted for. Another crucial expense you’ve not disclosed is school fees. Who foots this expense?

Your husband appears secretive about his finances otherwise you would know his financial health. Is he in a SACCO? Does he hold any investments or assets? Could he be servicing any loans or assisting his parents and siblings? There is a blur on what he does with his money. You need to sit down together with the help of a financial planner and understand each other’s short, medium, and long-term financial goals, including current commitments. Is your husband aware of your Sh2.3 million bank savings? How were you able to accumulate that amount? Was it a loan?

Even if you were footing all bills including school fees, you would still have about Sh50,000 surplus every month. While you think of your real estate investment plans, you could derive passive income and growth on this amount. Putting it every month in a better yield money market fund or bond fund at 11.5 percent net annual return will amount to Sh2.1 million in three years. These funds only require your steady contribution, not entry strategy and analysis as stocks or cryptocurrency. You could as well learn about dividend stocks, government debt instruments, and real estate investment trusts.

SEE MORE: Rich wife – Poor husband: Can this marriage ever work in Kenya?

Joint couple finances means both of you should be taking care of family needs like having a six months’ worth of regular expenses in an emergency fund, school fees, insurance, medical kitty, and investments. Your finances appear to be pulling in different directions. Personal finance experts advise that couples should not just share sheets, but also have balanced sheets as a result of reading from the same financial page. Without this, losing purpose in your marriage is inevitable; and that’s why you are already thinking of separation and eventual divorce.

To save your marriage, you have to impress concern and support for your husband. It’s possible that he’s suffering from a low self-esteem considering you are earning more than twice his income. Yours is not the only case. There are many working wives with unemployed husbands. Some have employed their husbands in their businesses even without managerial positions. When you share your individual and joint financial goals, you will easily find symphony in your money-music.

Your husband’s plan to buy a lorry should be well analyzed. You haven’t sat down with him to appraise the need. Is it something he’s skilled in? What are his business skills? Managing a lorry for transport business isn’t for the faint-hearted. Neither is it impossible to create unlimited wealth from. He could get a delivery contract especially in the building materials industry that could set you both towards a new financial level. You should find an expert in the business and understand the opportunities and potential risks rather than dismiss the idea.

While your husband’s net pay isn’t enough for a Sh4.5M loan commitment, he probably expects the business to do some heavy lifting. He only needs Sh500,000 for down payment on the lorry financing. He probably has the money but seeks your support in case business experiences low moments, or doesn’t pick up as fast.

Your intention to invest in mabati rentals isn’t a bad idea but it’s akin to narrowing your view. It’s like being the shark in a tank instead of exploring the depths of the wide blue ocean. Study your husband’s business plan for possible collaboration. Alternatively, with Sh2.3 million, you could buy a plot in surrounding areas like Kitengela then build serviced bedsitters or single bedroom units for better monthly income with strategic financing. All said, your priority should be to save your marriage and align your joint finances to joint goals. Divorce has not yet become an option.

This answer was provided by Benjamin Cheruiyot who is the Engagement Lead at Abojani Investments, a personal finance and investments advisory firm.. A version of this question and answer was previously published in the Saturday Magazine. The Saturday Magazine is a publication of the Nation Media Group.

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