BMW, I think I lost a good man

Dear BMW,

Five years ago, I married a quiet, good man who gave me everything a woman could ask for. But instead of cherishing him, I treated him like background furniture. While he stayed home, I was out every weekend to attend bridal showers, kitchen parties, weddings and spend endless nights with the girls. He never shouted, never raised a hand, never even sulked. He only asked, gently, that I spare some time for us.

I ignored him. I thought his silence meant weakness. My friends even whispered that I must have bewitched him, because no man could be that patient.

Now I am a changed woman. But it feels too late. He no longer asks where I go, no longer shows interest in our marriage. He spends his time at the pig farm, and I can see it in his eyes that I have lost him. Soon, he will find someone else, and I will have no right to complain.

So I write with tears on my pillow, to warn my sisters: when you find a good man, hold on to him. We cry that good men are rare, yet when we find them, we mistreat them. I am living proof of that mistake.

— Alice, Area 43, Lilongwe

Dear Alice,

Your tears are a sermon. If only more women would listen before they lose what you have lost. A good man is not a toy to be neglected, nor a punching bag for reckless freedom. He is a gift and gifts, once broken, rarely mend.

I relate to your story because once upon a time, I too was a “good man.” Yes, believe it or not, before life twisted me into this shameless ogler with a libido the size of Lake Malawi, I was a saint. Twenty years ago, I even tried to reform a prostitute in Chirimba. I paid her rent, bought groceries, even paid school fees for her child. I thought love could turn her into a respectable MG2. But the lesson was brutal: sometimes a prostitute is just a prostitute, and she will sneak back to RoadHouse at Lunzu no matter how much you invest.

So here is the gospel according to BMW: Brothers, please treat your woman the way she wants to be treated, not the way you imagine she should be. Sisters, if you want a good man, be a good woman. Do not wait until he is gone to discover his worth.

Alice, may your tears water the wisdom of others. And may God grant you mercy on this Sunday morning.

BMW

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