Love Life: I Almost Couldn’t Handle Her Clinginess

Lola (mid 20s) and Victor (early 30s) met on Twitter in 2022.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a DM that almost went unanswered, a long-distance relationship built on a fixed timeline, and Lola’s clinginess, which Victor had to learn to embrace.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Lola: 2022. I’d just opened a new Twitter account and he was among my new followers. But we barely interacted. But by 2023, we’d noticed each other’s accounts and started bantering occasionally. He once posted a picture of a dress and asked which woman of God he should buy it for. I responded to the tweet, but I can’t even remember what I said. Another time, he tweeted about playing in the snow with someone’s daughter and I jokingly asked him to focus on God. Then he asked why he couldn’t do both, focus on God and be in love. And that was the nature of our interactions for a long time. Just pure, no-strings-attached banter.

Victor: I’d say my first memory of Lola is similar. I’d followed her account on Twitter, just the same way you’d see an account and innocently want to connect with it. Then we were constantly seeing each other’s posts on the TL. We’d banter, comment here and there, and keep it moving. I hadn’t really taken any special notice of her. She was just another female follower on Twitter.

But did you think she was trying to say something with the constant bantering on your posts?

Victor: Not really. It’s Twitter. I genuinely didn’t think she was trying to shoot her shot or anything like that. The TL was just like that. You’d see people passing jabs at each other and that was it. Even when I also responded to her tweets, I didn’t have any hidden intentions.

Right. How long did this bantering go on for?

Lola: For months, actually. I remember posting my graduation pictures in June 2023, and he either commented or sent a DM; I can’t remember. But he later told me that the picture is apparently what stuck with him. And it was what opened a line of communication between us.

Victor: Then, in May 2024, I wished her a happy birthday and referenced this Yinka Ayefele song where he sings about a certain Ololade.

Lola: He actually used to call me by that name and I’ll just laugh and think, “this funny” guy.

Victor: But that was about it between us. After that birthday, we fell back to just bantering and sometimes not talking at all.

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Right. So when did things change?

Lola: It was a random Sunday in August 2024. He came to my mind and I realised I hadn’t seen him tweet in a while. But in the same vein, I told myself I wasn’t checking up on anyone, that he’d be fine wherever he was. But for reasons I can’t explain, he just wouldn’t leave my mind. So I sent a text asking how he’d been. I didn’t get his response until the next day.

Victor: I actually didn’t see the message for some time. It was during one of my self-imposed breaks from social media to focus on work, business and my spiritual life. But Twitter has a setting that also sends notifications to your email. I saw the notification and logged in to respond via the web version. I actually think God wanted me to see that message.

Curious. What was your relationship status at the time?

Lola: I’d left a talking stage and wasn’t really in the headspace for anything new.

Victor: For me, I’d decided within myself that I wasn’t going to date until it was time to marry. So most of my time was spent focusing on things that could make my future great.

Neat. Let’s go back to the conversation. How did it go after you responded?

Victor: It went well, actually. I explained why I’d been away from social media and we just got talking. In the middle of that exchange, I asked if I could have her number so we could move the conversation to WhatsApp or iMessage.

Lola: I’ll be honest, a part of me felt like the conversation was headed for the ditch once we left the DMs. There’s just something about conversations dying when it gets to WhatsApp. Surprisingly, it didn’t.

I wasn’t feeling well, so I told him I had a cough and malaria. Coincidentally, he works in the medical space. He immediately started telling me what drugs to get, checking constantly to see if I’d been to the pharmacy, even while I was at work the next day. That level of care and intentionality from someone I barely knew caught my attention. I used to think I was the better talker, but with him I was listening more, laughing more, and it just felt really good to be in an arrangement where I wasn’t constantly keeping the conversation alive.

Victor: It felt like we’d known each other all our lives. There was always something to talk about, and it never felt forced. We barely exhausted one topic before we moved to the next.

What exactly were you guys talking about?

Lola: Everything. We were learning more and more about each other.

Victor: We’re both Christians, so our faith came up a lot, along with regular things like what happened at work that day or something we’d both seen. We hadn’t started talking about the future or any romantic interests yet, just a lot of friendly conversations.

Lola: That was when I also discovered that this guy was all the way in Ilorin. The entire time, I’d assumed he lived in Lagos. He just had that Lagos-boy vibe to him and I couldn’t have imagined otherwise.

Victor: Well, it wasn’t like I deliberately hid my location; we just never had any reason to talk about it until we got closer.

Did that discovery affect how you saw whatever was starting to brew between you, Lola?

Lola: I had my reservations. If I wanted to get into something with someone I’d met online, it had to be someone who was committed and intentional about how we’d actually spend time together. That’s the only way to tell if they’re really serious. I didn’t know if Victor was going to be ready for all that. But it was just a thought I kept to myself.

Got it. So when did feelings get into the picture?

Lola: We continued building the foundation. Then, in September 2024, Victor said he wanted to come to Lagos to see me. Something about the way he said it made me sit up and realise that this guy is serious. In fact, I had a wild thought that he was probably going to ask me to be his wife eventually, not just his girlfriend.

Victor: To be fair, I’d already decided I wanted to marry her by that time based on the depth of our conversations and how much our values aligned. As I said earlier, I’d never dated anyone prior and knew that any relationship I found myself in had to lead to the altar. The trip to Lagos was just like a confirmation. I wanted to put a face to the person I’d been talking to.

And how did it feel to finally meet in person?

Victor: I came to pick her up directly from her house. She has a strict dad and didn’t want to explain that she’d just headed out with some random stranger she met online. Luckily, he wasn’t home. I met her mum and I could immediately tell that I had a chance just by how warmly she received me. She even tried to get Lola to change her outfit. That was so funny.

We left the house and went to a park, nothing too fancy because I genuinely wanted to just sit, talk and get to know her even more without distractions.

Lola: I think he missed the part about first impressions. I’d been curious about our height difference because I couldn’t really tell from pictures. That day, when he stepped out of the car, I realised I was just slightly taller than him. I still tease him about it.

Victor: She actually looked like her pictures. Simple, no make-up, and it didn’t bother me at all. As for the height, I’ve always liked the idea of my wife being a little taller than me.

Lola: Anyway, we talked for hours at the park. Two young women we ran into assumed we were a couple, just from how naturally we interacted. In all, it was a cute first date.

Did you ask her out, Victor?

Victor: No. I wanted to sit with my feelings overnight and make sure what I felt in person matched what I’d felt through our conversations. We met again the next day, this time at a restaurant. That’s when I told her I wanted to be in a relationship with her.

Lola: I told him I needed some time to think and pray over it properly before giving him an answer. About a month later, he got a yes. One thing that gave me confidence despite the long distance was how clear he was about his timeline. He wasn’t vague at all. He told me plainly that he wanted to get married soon. That clarity mattered to me.

Victor: I didn’t leave any room for doubt. I laid out roughly when I hoped to do the introduction and the wedding itself. We became official on November 1st, 2024.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Lola: Sweet, and it also came with a lot of adjustments. I hadn’t been in a relationship for about five years, and he’d never been in one at all. We were both figuring things out from very different starting points. I’m a clingy lover. I wanted to talk to him all day, even through work, even when there was nothing to say. I just wanted him to stay on the call and hear him breathe. In fact, if there was a way to crawl into his skin, I probably would have done just that.

**Victor: **It was a completely new experience for me. Lola wanted to talk to me all the time. I hate background noise so much, but since she was calling all the time, I had to start using noise cancellation options just so we could even hear each other. She wanted to know all I was doing at every point in time. I eventually had to be frank and tell her, “this can’t work, we have to find a balance.”

But then again, I also realised that talking wasn’t only about passing information. For her, it was also about connection. And since we were also in a long-distance relationship, overcommunicating like that was one way to keep things alive. It just took me a while to get used to it.

Lola: The truth is, I was always willing to drop everything just to focus on him, and I expected him to do the same. However, I had to learn it was unhealthy. Victor made me understand that there’s a difference between being committed to someone and losing yourself entirely in the relationship. He helped me understand that having a full life outside the relationship doesn’t take away from what we have.

Let’s talk about marriage. When did that happen?

Lola: It was always a part of our plan from the beginning, so it wasn’t a separate conversation that started later. By the time Victor came to Lagos again in February 2025, my parents already understood what we were to each other, even though I never explicitly used the word boyfriend. He proposed on August 29th, 2025.

Victor: It’s just like she said. I lost my dad in April 2024, so I was cautious about telling my mother about anyone until I was sure. Then, when I was ready, Lola’s father insisted on seeing my mum first. This wasn’t an introduction. He just wanted to meet her. That was so funny. Some of my friends thought the request was a bit strange. They asked what he’d have done if my mum were out of the country or anything like that. Still, I drove my mum all the way from Ilorin to Lagos. It was a good meeting. Before then, I’d already shown my mum Lola’s picture. And meeting her and her family in person solidified it.

Fast forward to December 27th, 2025, we had our introduction and we got married on May 9th, 2026, Lola’s birthday. It was the same date I’d first wished her a happy birthday back in 2024.

Congrats guys. And how have the past few months of marriage been?

Lola: Interesting. We’re finally together in Ilorin, and we’ve even started an Instagram page to document our lives. We want to show people that a good marriage isn’t something you stumble into, it’s something you build intentionally through patience, forgiveness and effort.

Victor: I think marriage is a covenant, not a contract that you can walk away from when it stops being convenient. It takes a lot of forgiveness and understanding on both sides.

Lola: For instance, we once had an argument that tested us. That morning, I’d asked him to do the dishes before heading to work and he just said no, without explaining why he couldn’t do it. That response really upset me, especially in the way he said it. We went to bed angry that night, and the next morning, he left for work without saying anything to me. No goodbyes or anything like that, and that scared me. My mind started running wild and I wondered if this was how things would always go whenever we disagreed.

Victor: Looking back, I should have explained that I was running late for work instead of just refusing outright. I also didn’t say anything because I’m somewhat conflict-avoidant. I just like to move on and act as if nothing happened rather than talking it through.

I’ve had to learn that walking away doesn’t resolve anything between us; it just delays and makes it worse. We eventually sat down and talked it out properly.

Nice. What about Lola’s clinginess? What does that look like now that you live together?

Victor: It’s still a part of her, even though there’s balance now. Premarital counselling helped me understand that her clinginess comes from a genuine place of love, not insecurity. My own love language leans more towards productivity. So I’ve had to channel that energy toward her. I’m constantly helping her be mindful of her goals.

Lola: I’ve learned to give him space when he’s clearly working on something, and in turn, I’ve found real joy in accomplishing things myself and sharing that progress with him. That’s something he values deeply. However, he still makes the effort to come find me whenever he’s free, which I really appreciate.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Victor: Lola has taught me patience on a level I didn’t know I needed. I also have a better understanding of leading with compassion rather than just charging ahead with decisions the moment I’ve thought them through. I love watching our shared purpose come together in real time, including the page we’ve started. Seeing how our individual paths have merged into something bigger than either of us alone could have been is genuinely beautiful.

Lola: Victor has taught me to actually focus and set goals instead of just dreaming about things without executing them. I used to be the type to hold back and question whether things would even work out, which caused friction between us early on since he’s much more decisive. My faith has grown alongside his, too, and I’ve become someone who’s actively working toward things rather than waiting for them to happen.

I love that I get to love him constantly, and I have so much love to give. Being able to pour that into someone who receives it well is honestly one of the best parts of this for me.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Victor: A 10. There’ll always be small adjustments, but we’re fully committed to understanding one another as we grow, and that commitment is what makes it a 10 for me.

Lola: I’ll also say a 10. No relationship is perfect, but we’ve worked hard to get to a place of real understanding, and he’s honestly become my best friend despite the age gap between us. I’ve never once felt talked down to or unheard, and that means everything to me.