Nigerians Confess the Craziest Things They’ve Done To a Roommate

Living with a roommate can test your patience, especially when they eat your food, borrow your things without asking or leave their dirty plates for you to deal with. Sometimes, an argument settles the issue. Other times, resentment turns into revenge, and a roommate’s belongings become a target for payback.

These six Nigerians have been there, and they confess some of the wildest things they’ve done to a roommate’s belongings out of spite.

“I used her white dress as a rag” — Sandra*, F, 28

I met Chidera* in Uni, and we lived together for two years. During our first year, I kept my distance, and we got along fine. Things changed after my mother suggested befriending her so we could look out for each other. Then she started touching my things.

Once, she used my lotion and left it open. Another time, she used my shirt as a rag. When I confronted her, she laughed and said she didn’t know I still wore it. After she used my skirt to make a pillowcase, I decided I’d had enough.

One day, I cooked with firewood even though we had gas. When I was done, I used her white dress to take the pot off the fire. She was furious. I told her I didn’t know it was hers, then laughed in her face. She stopped touching my things and eventually moved out. My only regret is not using the dress to wipe palm oil.

“I put holes in his condoms” — Wale*, M, 24

My roommate and I lived together for a year, and he had a habit of crossing boundaries. One day, I came home to find semen on the bed. He and his girlfriend had also eaten all the food I’d cooked. I was angry and wanted to get back at him, so I used needles to put holes in his condoms. He clearly didn’t consider my feelings, so it felt like a fair trade. I don’t know if it was related, but his girlfriend later got pregnant, but they didn’t keep it. He never found out, and I have zero regrets. We’re cool now, so I wouldn’t do it again.

“I dipped her toothbrush in the toilet” — Kemi*, F, 20

My roommate and I have lived together for two years. One time, we had an argument, and she insulted me and called me horrible names. I was angry and wanted to retaliate, so I dipped her toothbrush in the toilet and put it back where I found it. She used it afterwards without knowing what I’d done.

Looking back, I think she deserved it. However, I wouldn’t do it again.

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“I put his dirty plates at the door” — Michael*, M, 32

When I was in Uni, I lived with a roommate for two years. He was very dirty and would abandon his plates in the kitchen for days. The funny thing was that he always looked spotless when he went outside.

Whenever his friends visited, he’d hide his dirty pots and plates. After a while, I got tired of looking at them, so one day, when he wasn’t around, I moved all his dirty plates to the front door.

When he returned and saw them, the horrified look on his face was very satisfactory. You’d think that would have taught him a lesson, but he left the plates there. He eventually washed them two days later after the porter threatened to throw them away.

“I ate the last food she had for the day” — Ore*, F, 29

My roommate and I have lived together for four years. Once, she used my foodstuff without asking, so I decided to get back at her by eating the last portion of rice she had cooked. When she found out, she was furious. It was the only food she had available, and she was looking forward to eating it.

I felt disappointed in myself afterwards, but I think she deserved it because she did the same thing to me. I wouldn’t do it again, though.

“I moved his dirty plates to his bed” — Ubong*, M, 27

When I was in 300L, I shared a room with someone I’m no longer friends with. He ate my food, used my foodstuff and hid his own provisions. He always claimed he was broke and couldn’t contribute, but somehow, he had money to go out drinking with his friends. He also used to leave his dirty plates in the sink.

One evening, he went out and forgot to lock his box. I went through it and found some provisions like cornflakes, milk and other things. I ate the cornflakes and milk, then put the dirty plates he’d refused to wash on his bed. When he returned and saw what I’d done, we fought. The neighbours intervened, and he eventually moved out after a month.

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