The effectiveness of your financial planning will make the difference between surviving on your own and crawling back for economic security.
Image: Tarun Savvy | Unsplash
Financial freedom means different things to different people. For some, it's paying off a home loan; for others, it could be retiring comfortably or building wealth over time. However, for women in financially abusive relationships, it can simply mean having enough money to leave.
A November 2025 Human Sciences Research Council's national survey on violence against women found that one in eight South African women over the age of 18 had experienced financial abuse, while more than half reported controlling behaviours in a relationship.
“Woman are often harmed and even killed for trying to end a relationship with an abuser. For this reason, careful planning is essential, and your exit plan must include your finances,” says Simon Dippenaar, founder of law firm Simon Dippenaar & Associates.
Financial abuse strips away agency, says Khensani Nobanda, group executive for marketing and corporate affairs at Nedbank. "A woman whose salary is controlled by an abusive partner isn't financially free. Someone prevented from working isn't financially free. Someone forced into debt, denied access to their own bank account or financially monitored every day isn't financially free," she explains.
Financial freedom is about much more than owning financial products, Nobanda adds. "Financial freedom is agency. It's waking up every day knowing that you, not somebody else, controls your financial decisions," she says.
Nobanda adds that “it's having the ability to earn, save, invest, spend and build wealth without fear, coercion or dependence. It's knowing that your financial future is determined by your choices rather than someone else's control."
Hayley Parry, head of education at Worth, believes financial autonomy rests on two pillars: a traditional emergency fund and a separate personal "Freedom Fund". "When it comes to an emergency fund, I recommend having three to six months' worth of living expenses sitting in an emergency fund," she adds.
"The Freedom Fund is essentially an emergency fund that nobody knows about except for you," Parry says. "The idea here is that this is money that you put aside with the hope that you will never use it, but it is there if you need the financial breathing room to escape a toxic relationship – or even a boss."
This Freedom Fund should remain private and exist purely as a financial escape route if circumstances ever demand it, says Parry, adding that women could create similar safety nets collectively.
"I have also given talks where I have spoken about how this is something that can be done within a sisterhood," Parry says, explaining that these funds could be developed in a similar fashion to a stokvel.
Parry explains that women can "think of it as a safety net, or perhaps rather as a financial parachute, that gives you the time and space to leave and make new plans."
Women should have financial autonomy and are able to take ownership of every aspect of their financial life, from earnings and savings to retirement planning, Parry advocates. She says it’s critical that you establish and maintain your personal financial identity - regardless of the state of your relationship.
In these cases, Parry says that women need to know their credit score and ensure they can build it by taking out financial products or a line of credit in their own name, even using their “allowance” if needs be to do so.
"If you haven't taken out products or bank accounts in your own name, this is a highly problematic situation where you can be excluded from a lot of what the financial services companies can offer you, whether you do it unwittingly or through coercion. The implications of that are quite dire."
If you have your own income, you are in a reasonably strong position, says Dippenaar. “But you may have been restricted from working by your partner or placed on a meagre allowance.”
Parry says it's important to secure a line of credit and build a credit score before they're needed. "If you leave the job, and you haven't had a salary for two months, and then you try and open a credit card, it's not going to happen."
Behind the numbers: The reality of financial abuse.
Image: ChatGPT
Dippenaar, says financially abused women should open a new account with a bank that isn't the same as their partner's, preferably going into the bank so they can speak to an adviser to eliminate the possibility of correspondence being sent to the home.
"Bank personnel have dealt with similar situations and know how to help,” says Dippenaar.
Nedbank chief risk officer David Crewe-Brown says financial abuse often leaves a financial footprint that can easily be mistaken for poor financial behaviour. "Someone experiencing coercive control may suddenly miss repayments. They may accumulate debt they never chose to incur. Their income may become irregular because they've been prevented from working," he says.
Crewe-Brown adds that, based on a traditional risk model, those behaviours may simply appear as indicators of higher credit risk, but they may actually be indicators of financial abuse.
"Some customers aren't making free financial decisions, they're making constrained decisions," he says, adding that financial records alone don't always tell the full story. "Financial data tells us what happened, but it doesn't always tell us why."
Women need to think strategically about their finances early on in case they need the means to leave a toxic relationship, says Parry.
“If you do not have your own resources, the effectiveness of your financial planning will make the difference between surviving on your own and crawling back for economic security,” notes Dippenaar.
PERSONAL FINANCE
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