Sex Talk: There is no harm in preparing

You know you are a ‘morning glory’ person. What is stopping you from brushing before bed, going to bed with easy access to a glass of water to drink first thing in the morning?

Many men will tell you they prefer making love first thing in the morning – morning glory – because, duh, biology already dictates that his tools of trade always wake up sharpened and ready to go at that time of day.

But there is the tricky part about morning glory: morning breath. Yes, I have heard that y’all are so used to each other and are not put off by each other’s morning breath once it is kick-off time, but trust me, in every relationship there is the spouse that is comfortable with everything, and the one that just coasts along, not complaining, in order not to offend.

And I will speak for those ones today. It does not matter whether where you were raised, you only used a mswaki (that small stick many of our grandparents used for cleaning teeth), and that there were no self-contained houses – let alone bedrooms – then; hello, this is the 21st century.

Learn new things and make use of the modern accessories. Even if you have to step outside to brush at bedtime, do it. Not to take anything away from the mswaki, by the way… my mother, who was born just seven kilometres from Kampala and has spent the last 60 or so years in the city centre, still swears by the mswaki.

She uses a toothbrush and toothpaste, but always after her small stick. She says, chopped from the correct tree (apparently, not all trees are good for the teeth), the stick has medicinal qualities too.

I am inclined to believe her, seeing as she is 86 and has all her teeth! But I digress. What is stopping you from brushing at bedtime when you clearly have plans to grunt and moan over another person’s mouth and neck first thing in the morning?

True, even with brushing at bedtime, morning breath is almost always a guarantee, because you would have been silent for so long. Hence, the glass of water at your bedside. Just know, the intensity of morning breath with all of yesterday’s food particles and bad thoughts still stuck between one’s teeth, does not compare to the kind of morning breath that has come only because you haven’t spoken in a while.

And it is all the other simple ways of tuning yourself into sub-consciously preparing for great sex by being intentional about what you do. Why are you stuffing yourself full of food so close to bedtime, to be a bloated, gassy mess when the pink elephants blow the whistle to start the games?

Why are you always making yourself too busy and sexually unavailable at your wife’s most fertile time of the cycle, knowing well you are trying to conceive?

By the way, I have come to my own conclusion that many couples are not even barren, or infertile; they are just squandering their biological opportunities: fighting, taking a break from the marriage or enforcing sex bans when there is a beautiful egg eager to be fertilized, and then being lovey-dovey and intimate whenever the coast is absolutely clear. As if under a horrible spell. But that is a topic for another day.

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