Chester Missing on life inside Conrad Koch’s suitcase

Conrad Koch may be the man with his hand up Chester Missing, but does it mean he is the one in charge

It’s an existential question puppets of ventroliquists are faced with, and Nietshze has not solved the crisis for the inanimate.

Missing, and his aide Koch, head to Joburg in the first week of the tenth month in Chester’s Got Talent scheduled for the Pieter Toerien Theatre at Montecasino from 1 to 4 October.

Fresh from winning a Gold Ovation Award at the 2026 National Arts Festival, the show turns the usual talent competition – think Idols and more – on its head.

The contestants are puppets, the audience gets to judge them and, with Chester involved, Koch’s chances of keeping everything under control appear fairly slim.

Chester will share the stage with Gunter the German Mosquito and his questionable xylophone skills, aspiring singer Hilton the Ostrich, DJ Hoodie, high school teacher and wannabe ventriloquist Mr Dixon and Paul die Krokodil.

There will also be a few human puppets dragged from the audience.

Koch may have won a Comic’s Choice Award for Innovation in Comedy this year and may technically be the human behind the show, but Chester has a somewhat different view of their working relationship.

Who’s the real boss? Koch or Missing? Picture Supplied

Chester, have you ever considered that Conrad might actually be your puppet and you’ve just been operating him very badly for years?

“If Conrad is my puppet then I need to be paid MUCH more than I am being paid right now. He keeps all the money! Scoundrel!”

Do you get paid separately from Conrad, or is this another disturbing case of unpaid puppet labour?

“Conrad does not pay me at all. He has been exploiting me for years. He says it’s because I can’t open a bank account because I do not have an ID book, because technically I am not a person. Excuses, excuses.”

Where does Conrad put you after a show, and should we be contacting the authorities about it?

“Conrad keeps me in a suitcase. It is disgusting! I have tried to report him to the police but they just laughed at me.”

What is the most humiliating thing about having a grown man’s hand permanently involved in your career?

“His hand is not just in my career, it’s in my Gqeberha. Everyone gives HIM the credit for all my hard work. Its very annoying.”

If Conrad suddenly lost his voice halfway through the show, would that technically mean you were also dead?

“That is very rude. If Conrad loses his voice technically I am not dead, just speechless.”

If you win Chester’s Got Talent, what exactly do you win, considering your entire life already fits inside Conrad’s luggage?

“I am not going to lie, who ever is asking these questions is not very respectful towards us puppets. Also, I don’t think there is any prize money, and it wouldn’t make a difference. I already know I am the best puppet.”

If you woke up tomorrow as a real human being, what’s the first ridiculous thing you’d do that Conrad has never allowed you to do?

“I would go to the Spur and make them sing happy birthday to me even though it’s not my birthday.”