#NairaLife: She Knows Her Family Cheats Her, but She Can’t Say No to Black Tax

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

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What is your earliest memory of money?

I knew money was very integral as early as Primary 2. My parents were always involved in different ajo contributions to pay school fees and sort out any substantial expenses. I remember often wondering why life was always this stressful. It wasn’t that the contributions were difficult for them to run, but everybody in the house knew about it. We attended schools above my parents’ pay grade, so they were always gathering money from one ajo to another.

That shaped my orientation: you need money to enjoy the good things in life. From the days when all I had was ₦5, I just always kept money in different parts of the house.

Why were you stashing money as a child?

I just wanted to keep money like my parents. My mum would literally tie money into the edge of her scarf and tell me to go and give the woman organising the ajo. The woman would untie it and send the empty scarf back with me.

I didn’t have any substantial need, so I’d just keep mine in a drawer. At the end of the day, I’d give it to my elder sister or just look at my mum and dash her. That exact money habit followed me right into adulthood. Up until now, I still keep my money in different places. I don’t ever want to be caught unfresh or stranded.

What was growing up like financially?

We were pretty comfortable. My mum had a store where she sold foodstuffs and provisions, and my dad was a mechanic. Apart from that, my dad had his hands in a lot of things. He had a pig farm, poultry, reared and sold cows, and sold cars.

So, it wasn’t like we were struggling. I’d say the ajo contributions helped because they always planned them carefully. My elder sister attended a secondary school that was more expensive than my primary school, so they always scheduled their payout for when she needed to pay fees.

We ate three square meals comfortably, wore good clothes, and paid our school fees on time. My dad has always had a car. I could go home and say I need to pay for something in school without worrying about whether they could pay for it.

When was the first time you worked to earn money?

After secondary school in 2015. While waiting for admission, I worked in my mum’s friend’s store. She sold drinks wholesale and retail. It was a very stressful job. Sometimes we closed as late as 9 p.m., and I was earning either ₦6,000 or ₦10,000 a month. I can’t remember for sure.

Do you remember what you spent your salary on?

I just kept it in a part of my wardrobe because I didn’t have a bank account. Whenever anybody in the house needed quick cash, they came to me. When my eldest sister was going for NYSC, she just said, “Please borrow me money.” I had close to ₦20k at the time and gave her the whole thing.

I worked at the store for a year and don’t think I ever spent my salary on myself. I was just the quick fix for everybody. Nobody returned it, and I didn’t ask either. I was just giving them.

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What came after that?

In 2016, I got into the polytechnic for my OND. I was getting a ₦10,000 monthly allowance from my dad. Since the polytechnic was in the same city where we lived, my mum would pack stew, fish, and foodstuffs from home, so I was able to live on ₦10,000.

In 2018, I moved into the university. A friend introduced me to a baker who did surprise packages. We didn’t have dispatch riders in my city then, so that was my job: delivering boxes of doughnuts or cakes. She paid me between ₦800 and ₦1,500 per job plus transport, and sometimes, the people I delivered to would tip me extra. I did that for eight months until she relocated.

After that, I mostly focused on school. At some point the following year, my allowance increased to ₦13k. My elder sister also started sending me ₦5,000 once every two months. I’ve never been a big spender, so I was comfortable living on my allowance alone.

In 300 level, I stayed off-campus and worked as a kitchen assistant for a caterer. The gigs weren’t regular and only came when she had big orders or events which she couldn’t handle on her own. I usually worked for her once or twice a month, and she paid me ₦3,000 to ₦4,000 per gig.

In addition to the payment, she gave me meals and extra foodstuffs left over from the event. I worked with her on and off throughout my time in uni, and even till now, whenever I have the time.

When did you graduate from uni?

I graduated in 2023. My NYSC Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) was at a private school in Lagos. They paid me an extra ₦25k/month on top of the ₦33k government allawee.

While I was still in uni, I discovered savings apps and often saved any extra money there. I continued this during my service year and also joined a ₦10,000 monthly ajo contribution (we were four in the group). But family emergencies, specifically my immediate younger sister, took most of my money that year.

Thieves robbed my younger sister and took her phone and other belongings. The experience left her suicidal. So, when it was my turn to collect my ₦40k ajo payout, I sent it all to her. I told her ₦15k was a gift and ₦25k was a loan to return when she was balanced. Till tomorrow, she hasn’t returned my money, and I haven’t pursued it. Besides that, I was regularly sending her ₦4,000 to ₦5,000 monthly because she was an undergrad and often needed money.

So, yeah, I didn’t really do anything for myself with the money I earned during my service year. Not that I would have wanted to. I believe family is family, so I should be able to support when needed.

Interesting. What did life look like after service?

I moved back home to my city and got a teaching job at a private school in September 2024. My starting salary was ₦75k/month. I was also earning an extra ₦20k – ₦25k per month from private lessons.

Since I lived at home and my dad often dropped me off at work, I wasn’t spending much. I dropped ₦15k at home for upkeep, paid my tithe, and saved the rest. I wasn’t even saving as much as I was supposed to because I often spent more than ₦15k on my family.

My mum could just be like, “Oh, please borrow me this amount,” and I’d give her without asking or expecting to get it back. I really hate asking people for money back — not sure why — so that usually just went like that.

In November, my youngest sister (I have two younger siblings) was admitted to a state university, and my parents needed close to ₦500k to cover the fees. My dad’s finances were bad at the time, and he was overthinking how to raise the money.

I had an investment in his farm; a small pig I bought that grew really big. I wanted to sell the pig to buy a laptop, but instead I sold it for ₦170k and gave the money to my dad. I also emptied my savings and gave him the money so my sister could go to school.

Phew. That’s a considerable sacrifice

And it didn’t stop there. In May this year, my mum called me to say that strange people were calling her phone, saying a whole lot of nonsense about paying back money. I traced the requests to a particular bank app. I downloaded the app and saw an overdue loan of ₦373k. My immediate younger sister had been using my mum’s account to take loans, and it was accruing daily interest.

Oh wow. And your mum didn’t know?

She had no idea. She wouldn’t have even borrowed from a loan app because she’s an executive in a cooperative. My sister had taken the loan with her account, then transferred the money to her account without anyone’s knowledge.

My mum was so upset. She just kept crying and couldn’t sleep. The loan guys kept calling, and the interest increased daily. I had to do something. I raised ₦173k from all my bank accounts, but because I was determined not to touch my core savings, I told my mum we should take a ₦200k loan in my name from her cooperative to clear the balance.

To be honest, I was so angry. I had never taken a loan in my life. I don’t even know how to spend money on myself, but family emergencies always manage to sweep away whatever I gather.

Where was your sister in all this?

My parents called her home to talk about it. When she came, I was shouting, calling her wicked, but my parents were only concerned with making peace. They kept telling me to “Calm down, we don’t want to make her feel bad, so she doesn’t start overthinking.”

I had discovered the debt on a Tuesday. I started repaying the following day, and on Friday, we took the cooperative money and cleared most of it. There was still a little money left on the debt, which I planned to pay on Monday after collecting my lesson money. My sister came home that Friday evening and left on Monday morning. Before leaving, she had downloaded another app on my mum’s account, taken another ₦60k loan (to repay ₦80k), and transferred the ₦60k to herself.

You say?

See. When I caught it in the transaction history, I was mad. Mad is an understatement. I started screaming, and she was lying and denying it. She left that day, and by the next day, nobody could reach her.

My parents got scared and started pointing accusing fingers at me, saying things like, “How much is the money sef? Now we can’t reach her!” I became the person at fault because I shouted at her. We eventually got in touch with her, but I know she did that on purpose.

Did she ever acknowledge what she did?

I can’t even ask her because my parents don’t want me to pressure her. They kept saying, “Don’t worry. She’ll pay.” The only thing I could do was insist on not paying the second loan.

She came back home in July carrying a new fashion bag, wearing new slippers, and holding a new laptop. I asked her where she got the money for a laptop, and she said she bought it on credit.

I went to my mum to ask her to confirm how she planned to repay me for the cooperative loan, and she got defensive. She said, “Is it because the girl got a new laptop?”

Hmmm. How did that make you feel?

It made me realise I was just a fool. I’ve been working for two years. I teach, conduct private lessons and still do kitchen assistant gigs from time to time. I don’t eat out much, I’m on a one-meal-a-day diet, and apart from buying a phone and a laptop for work, I have nothing to show for my labour. I took a ₦200k loan that I am single-handedly repaying with interest, and the person who took it is walking free.

I really feel stupid. Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to spend my own money. At the end of the day, someone will always come up with one need, and I’ll be dropping money. Maybe I’m actually stupid. But one thing I’ve come to realise is I really can’t say no to family when it comes to money. I just can’t do it.

Let’s talk about your current income

My main teaching salary is now ₦122k/month. Private lessons bring in around ₦50k monthly, and the kitchen assistant gigs bring in about ₦15k to ₦20k per job. So, in a good month, I make around ₦180k to ₦200k in total.

Here is where the money goes every month:

My investments are mostly company shares. My entire savings and investment portfolio across my bank accounts, savings, and shares is worth about ₦300,000 right now.

How would you describe your relationship with money?

Fragile. I totally understand the workings of money; I know how to save, I know about investments, shares, everything. Getting to do those things is not my problem. My problem is saying no to people when it comes to money.

I know that I’m being used and cheated. I know that the way I stick my neck out for people, nobody will do that for me. My elder siblings don’t care; they literally told me it’s not my business and asked why I put my head there. But it still doesn’t stop me from doing it. I am the only one the younger ones come to, and again, I just cannot say no.

Why do you think it’s so hard for you to say no?

Because if I tell someone no, I’ll worry about the outcome of my “no.” If my sister asks for ₦10k and I say I don’t have it, the next thing is I’ll be worrying: “Is this person eating? What will this person eat?”

Even if I have ₦100k I’ve saved small small to spend on myself, a family emergency can take it away, and I won’t even get it back. I really don’t know how people manage to say no to family requests.

Is there any chance this will change?

I don’t know when I’ll get to a point where I don’t care about anybody again. I know that what will eventually put me in a position to say no will be something very small and insignificant to people, but that will be the height of it all for me because I am not comfortable with it. I am not. I am still drowning in debt from a loan that had no business with me.

My goal right now is to move out of the house by the middle of next year. I feel like if I am not close to them, I’ll feel detached from this saviour complex. To get an apartment in my city and furnish it, I need at least ₦800,000. If I can get a job paying ₦500,000, I can address black tax without feeling stuck and eventually move out of my city entirely.

How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1 to 10?

6. No matter how hard it gets, I work hard, and I can always afford whatever I want if I really set my mind to save for it.

It’s not a 10 because I am not happy about my inability to say no. I’m not happy that I can’t say no to things I should, and that I’m constantly setting myself up while others walk free.

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