Sex Talk: Understanding women’s obsession with physical looks

Contrary to what many believe, men are not the main reason behind the huge wave of women currently seeking to go over and beyond the hardware God installed, to alter their looks into someone completely different.

Yes, I will later talk about how men have really ‘messed us up’ in a way, but what we often overlook, is the power of erotic capital, if I am to borrow Catherine Hakim’s book title.

Subconsciously, women (and men) understand that good looks, sexuality and sensuality not only open doors, they keep many in the room. This current wave of Brazilian butt lifts (BBL), liposuction, breast reduction or enhancement, drastic weight loss measures using Ozempic and other drugs, is really a response to how society favours physical good looks.

That is why a wife will, without intending to, look untidy, dirty and even outright undesirable when she is at home with her husband, but the moment she is stepping out into a space where she expects judgement, rejection or disrespect, she will throw on the full ‘beauty armour’.

However much we may deny it, the subconscious mind is aware that looks and sexual appeal can open or slam a business/ corporate door in one’s face.

If you have driven a superexpensive car (not to equate women to machines), then you know how differently everyone, from traffic police to parking attendants and fellow motorists, treats you.

One man who owns a Toyota Landcruiser and a Toyota Fielder, often jokes about how different the attention he receives from the same circles is, depending on which car he turns up in.

“There is a posh bar, where, if I am in the Fielder, I am left to my own devices to find parking; when I come with the Landcruiser, they quickly direct me to the coveted slots inside the compound,” he laughed.

It is this understanding of society’s ‘shallowness’ that is now driving the beauty craziness among women. If good grades, good morals and a good heart won’t net her a good job or promotion, then she figures, ‘upgrading’ her wig and breasts will.

And yes, if her good upbringing and cultured ways will not net her that rich and well-intentioned man, then maybe a BBL and reducing her wide waist by removing a rib on each side, will.

Which brings me back to how men still, to a smaller extent, influence women’s beauty changes. Back in the day, a woman’s worth and actualization was measured by her ability to get married and stay married.

Very few women had careers at all, and it was mostly teaching, nursing and secretarial services, which were not also the best paying. So, one’s livelihood and happiness still depended on her husband’s contentment and happiness.

“We aimed to please our men sexually, for them not to leave us or annex us with other wives; we would alter our bodies and beauty, depending on what men wanted,” one wife, who is soon celebrating 50 years in marriage, said.

“They would tell us, men don’t like women who have too much lubrication during sex, and we would use pawpaw leaves to reduce the ‘water’.

Then years later, they would develop a taste for waterlogged women, and we would run back to the drawing board and drink concoctions to produce the ‘water’…yiiiiii!”

She said men are the reason women eagerly elongated their labia without question, while today’s girls want to first understand exactly how all that ‘pulling’ benefits them.

It is also her generation that started skin bleaching, because they thought their men found lighter complexions more attractive.

But all the things they did are nothing compared to what the modern woman armed with more education, opportunities, equality and money is doing to enhance her looks. Men are a small part of the reason.

In fact, I saw an interview in which socialist Mami Deb (Deborah Nantongo), said she went for breast reduction surgery, contrary to her husband’s wishes – which was unheard of three decades ago.

It is called investing in erotic capital. And that is what a woman means, when she says; “I am doing all this (enhancement) for myself.”

[email protected]

The post Sex Talk: Understanding women’s obsession with physical looks appeared first on The Observer Media Ltd.