I Fell in Love, But Was Too Afraid to Tell Her I Had Sickle Cell

On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.

David* (23) has lived with sickle cell all his life. It has shaped his childhood, relationships and the way he sees himself.

In this episode of On the Streets, he opens up about his journey with sickle cell, a heartbreak he’s yet to recover from and how his condition has shaped the way he approaches dating.

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m single, and I live with sickle cell. It has affected almost every part of my life, including how I approach relationships. Now that I’m older and navigating adult life, I’m learning what it means to build relationships while living with a condition that has always been a part of me.

Let’s start from the beginning. How has sickle cell affected your life?

I was diagnosed with HbSS when I was about three years old, so I’ve never really known life without sickle cell.

People treated me differently from a young age. I was bullied a lot in school because my teachers knew about my condition. They weren’t discreet about it, so my classmates picked up on it and started calling me “sickler”.

I also had frequent crises, sometimes in the middle of school. Some students avoided me as if sickle cell were contagious, while others made fun of me when I was in pain. The teachers would punish them, but it didn’t stop the bullying.

I was very lonely growing up. My first romantic encounter was in SS2, when I met Amina*.

Tell me about Amina

We both liked drawing, and because I was good at it, we started spending more time together.

She was incredibly kind to me. I’ll never forget having a pain crisis in the middle of class and trying to hide it because I didn’t want anyone to notice. Amina realised something was wrong, covered for me and even got me snacks. She never made me feel sick or different.

We never officially dated, but were very close throughout the rest of secondary school. Her father was Muslim while my family was Christian, and she always said religion would eventually become a problem. Looking back, it’s funny that we were already thinking about marriage as teenagers.

My relationship with Amina gave me a very optimistic view of love. I thought I’d found someone who would always see me for who I was, regardless of my condition.

After secondary school, we stayed in touch for a while, but the connection eventually faded. I tried to keep things alive, but she wasn’t giving me the same energy anymore. It took me a long time to accept that it was over. I spent most of my first year at university trying to get over her. Eventually, I moved on.

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When did you try dating again?

In my second year of university, I met Treasure* through a mutual friend. We started talking because she reminded me of a family friend, and I fell for her almost immediately.

This time, I was upfront about my sickle cell condition. We started as friends and eventually became a couple. By then, my crises had become less frequent. Still, Treasure knew about my condition and seemed supportive.

How did the relationship go?

It was a pretty chill relationship. We rarely fought, and she could be very kind. But whenever I got sick, things took a slight turn.

A few months into the relationship, I had a particularly bad crisis and needed a blood transfusion. After I recovered, Treasure became more withdrawn. She started worrying about what our future would look like.

I understood her reservations, and I couldn’t blame her for having questions. But her reaction made me uncomfortable talking about my health. I started hiding my pain and other symptoms whenever I was around her.

And how did it affect the relationship?

It created a cycle. She would eventually find out that I’d been sick, then get upset that I had hidden it from her.

Things became even more awkward after we returned from our internship in 2023. She had fallen out with one of our mutual friends, and while trying to resolve their disagreement, I found out that she had told some of her other friends about my condition. I also learnt that she was considering a break up because she didn’t see a future with me, and that her family had advised her to walk away.

I was hurt, but I never confronted her about it. It wasn’t completely surprising because she’d already grown distant. I was the one pushing to see her and trying to keep the relationship going.

Eventually, I suggested that we break up, and she immediately agreed.

I’m sorry. How did you move on from that?

The breakup made me angry at my condition. I started thinking that if I didn’t have sickle cell, none of this would have happened.

So I decided to be much more private about it.

That was my state of mind when I met Favour* towards the end of 2024.

She was also an artist, and I found her on Instagram. I really liked her work, so I slid into her DMs. We started talking and eventually began seeing each other.

I didn’t tell her I had sickle cell because the relationship wasn’t defined. But our feelings for each other grew over time, so we made the relationship official in early 2025.

Were you still determined to keep your condition from her?

I never planned to hide it forever. But there was already some uncertainty about our future because she wanted to leave Nigeria for a master’s in art. I didn’t want to think too far ahead because I knew she might eventually leave.

I was also doing really well health-wise. I went about 10 months without a crisis, which was the longest I’d ever gone. For the first time, I started thinking maybe I could keep my condition private and still have a normal relationship.

That changed in July 2025.

Oh. What happened?

I started having severe chest pain and initially thought it was pneumonia. It turned out to be acute chest syndrome, a serious complication of sickle cell. I was in my final year and had exams coming up, but I became so sick that even breathing was difficult. My parents had to come and get me, and I spent five days in the hospital.

Favour sent me several messages while I was there, but I didn’t respond. She thought I was ghosting her. It was the perfect opportunity to tell her everything, but I still couldn’t bring myself to.

I eventually told her I was in the hospital because of chest problems. She was sympathetic and even came to visit me when I returned to school.

About a month later, I had another pain crisis and hid that from her too. At that point, keeping my condition a secret was really eating me up.

I had fallen in love with her and wanted a future together, so it became harder to pretend that such a huge part of my life didn’t exist. I became depressed and withdrawn until I couldn’t keep it in anymore.

I sent her a voice note apologising and told her everything.

How did she take it?

She was shocked. We’d already been dating for about seven months, so she was upset that I’d kept it from her for so long. She told me she needed time to process everything.

I was terrified I had lost her. But a few days later, she came back and told me it wasn’t a problem. I was so relieved.

Right. But were you convinced?

Unfortunately, I later realised she was still struggling with it. A few weeks later, she came back and told me that after thinking things through, she didn’t want to continue with the relationship.

She said she didn’t want to spend her life worrying about my health or wondering what the future would look like. She also struggled with the fact that I hadn’t told her earlier. She said she might have made a different decision about the relationship if she had known from the beginning.

That hurt because I’d finally convinced myself that I could be honest about my health and still be loved.

I’m sorry

We officially broke up in October 2025, but moving on hasn’t been easy. The mixed signals afterwards made it harder.. We went months without speaking before she reached out around my convocation in January. We had some deep conversations, then she ghosted me again.

One evening, she randomly called to say she missed me and just wanted to hear my voice. After that conversation, she disappeared again.

At some point, I realised I was being pulled back into a toxic cycle. I decided to stop engaging. She sent me another message a few weeks ago, but I ignored it.

Has the experience changed how you think about dating?

Definitely. The breakup was a rude awakening to what it means to navigate adulthood and relationships as someone living with sickle cell.

Now that I’ve finished school and I’m entering another stage of my life, I’m thinking about things I never really had to consider before. When should I tell a potential partner about my condition? How much should I disclose? I’ve also started to understand why people call us warriors. I recently had another episode of severe chest pain and had to go to a new hospital by myself. A nurse accused me of exaggerating my pain just to get medication. I hope that one day I can move to a country that better accommodates people with sickle cell.

Is there anything you think you could have done differently?

I should have been honest with Favour from the beginning. It wasn’t my responsibility to decide whether she could handle my condition. She deserved the chance to make that decision for herself.

There are people living with sickle cell who have happy lives and families. I still want a relationship, but I’ve also realised that even if marriage or a relationship doesn’t happen for me, I can still have a beautiful life.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10

5/10. I’m still recovering from the heartbreak. It’s already hard to open yourself up to someone when you feel different, and when the relationship ends, you have to start all over again.

But I’m trying to stay optimistic. I’m focusing on the good things in my life and enjoying my friendships. I didn’t have many friends growing up, so having people around me now means a lot. We’ll see what comes next.

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