Before the Marriage Begins, the Money Is Already Gone

How lobola and expensive weddings can weaken the household they are meant to establish

Marriage is supposed to mark the beginning of a new household. Yet for some Zimbabwean couples, getting married consumes much of the money that household needs to survive.

Before securing accommodation, building emergency savings or buying basic furniture, a couple may already have spent heavily on lobola, traditional proceedings, a civil or church ceremony, the venue, catering, clothing and entertainment. Some use savings accumulated over years; others take salary advances, sell assets or borrow.

By the time the guests leave, the couple may have photographs and memories, but little capital with which to begin married life.

The wedding lasts one day. The financial consequences enter the marriage.

The problem is not lobola itself. Lobola, or roora, carries cultural meaning in Zimbabwe. It recognises the joining of families, expresses gratitude and gives the union social legitimacy. The process varies across communities and may include symbolic payments, cattle or cash equivalents.

Weddings likewise bring families together, honour faith and create lasting memories. A large celebration is not automatically irresponsible when it does not weaken the couple’s future.

The concern begins when cultural meaning becomes inseparable from financial display. Lobola can shift from a family process into a test of the groom’s earning power. A wedding can become a public demonstration that the couple, or their families, has succeeded. Spending is then shaped less by what the couple can afford than by what relatives may say and what will look impressive in photographs.

Many couples do not spend on the wedding they want. They spend on the wedding they fear society will judge.

Parents may believe that substantial lobola recognises their daughter and the sacrifices involved in raising her. That belief should not automatically be dismissed as greed. Good intentions, however, do not remove financial consequences.

In Zimbabwe, major lobola and wedding costs are often discussed in US dollars even where incomes are modest or irregular. Raising the required amount may involve years of saving, selling an asset or borrowing. The money may come from funds intended for accommodation, education, business capital or the couple’s first major asset.

This is not an argument that daughters should be undervalued or that tradition should be abandoned. It is an argument against connecting a woman’s dignity to a demand that places her future household under unnecessary pressure. A high payment cannot guarantee respect. It may prove only that the man could assemble the money by sacrificing part of the couple’s future.

Lobola should honour a family, not financially cripple the family being created.

What someone can borrow is not what the new household can afford. Moderation does not diminish a daughter. It may protect her future more effectively than an impressive settlement that leaves the couple without savings or secure accommodation.

Many young adults begin marriage in rented accommodation and immediately face deposits, furniture and transport costs. Money used to enlarge the lobola settlement may be needed for household essentials or an emergency reserve.

The same contradiction appears in wedding expenditure. Zimbabwean marriages may involve traditional proceedings, a civil or church ceremony and a formal reception. Each can acquire its own clothing, transport, catering and guest expectations. The burden becomes substantial when all are combined.

A couple may spend heavily on a venue, décor and food for hundreds while still planning to rent a small room afterwards. The wedding may look successful while the marriage begins with little capacity to withstand an emergency.

Contributions from relatives may be gifts, but salary advances and borrowed funds can make an event possible without making it affordable. A couple that pays cash after exhausting all its savings may also have weakened its position.

Being able to raise the money is not the same as being able to afford the expense.

Affordability should be judged by what remains after the celebration. A well-resourced family may finance an expensive wedding without weakening the couple’s future. That is different from using nearly all available savings while having no emergency reserve or plan for the months ahead.

Every wedding decision has an opportunity cost. Money spent on a venue, décor, clothing or entertainment is no longer available for a rental deposit, furniture, business equipment, training or savings. The real cost includes what the couple can no longer build.

Guests may enjoy the meal and leave with photographs. They will not usually contribute towards rent, repayments or unexpected expenses afterwards. Society can demand the performance while leaving the couple to inherit the consequences.

Pressure comes from several directions. Parents may want a ceremony that reflects family dignity. Relatives expect inclusion. Friends compare venues, while social media turns private celebrations into public performances. Churches may also create expectations about respectability.

What begins as generosity becomes pressure when the couple no longer feels free to choose a celebration within its means.

Men can reinforce this pressure by treating heavy spending as proof of masculinity or readiness to provide. Women may compare their plans with other weddings and feel that a modest ceremony signals failure. This should not become a story in which women demand while men merely pay. Both can participate in the same social script.

The pressure to impress can turn love into a competition and marriage into a public performance.

The answer is not to remove celebration from marriage. It is to restore proportion between the ceremony and the life it introduces.

Couples should treat lobola, all ceremonies and household establishment as one financial decision. Before setting the wedding budget, they should calculate the resources genuinely available, separate savings from borrowed money and identify costs that cannot be postponed.

These may include accommodation, basic furniture, debt repayments and an emergency reserve. Only after protecting that foundation should the couple decide what can responsibly be spent on the celebrations.

The real wedding budget should include the life that begins the next morning.

The essential question is: after paying for the marriage celebrations, what financial foundation will remain? If the answer is no savings, no secure accommodation and several months of repayments, the ceremony may be possible but not affordable.

Couples should agree on a maximum total cost before negotiations and planning gather momentum. That figure should cover the full journey, not only the reception. They should distinguish confirmed gifts from promised contributions and protect part of their savings for accommodation and emergencies.

These decisions are an early test of financial partnership. Can the couple agree on priorities, set limits and present a united position to their families? Can they refuse an additional expense without blaming each other?

A smaller ceremony can leave room for a bigger future.

Churches can normalise modest ceremonies and separate the spiritual meaning of marriage from the scale of the reception. Parents and relatives can discuss expectations early and recognise the couple’s economic position. Couples themselves must also resist status-driven spending.

This may mean combining celebrations, shortening the guest list, using a community hall or delaying a large reception. None of these choices reduces the meaning of marriage.

Loans and salary advances do not make a ceremony affordable simply because the required amount has been assembled. Borrowed money belongs partly to the future. Its repayments will compete with rent, food, transport and savings during the first months of marriage.

A smaller ceremony may leave enough for a rental deposit, furniture, business equipment, further education or an emergency fund. These alternatives may not produce dramatic photographs, but they can give the household greater independence and room to recover from setbacks.

The choice is not between culture and financial responsibility. Lobola can be respected without becoming punitive. Weddings can be joyful without becoming competitions. Families can be honoured without requiring the couple to sacrifice their beginning.

Culture should prepare people for marriage, not price them out of stability.

A modest ceremony cannot guarantee a successful marriage, just as an expensive wedding does not automatically cause future problems. But beginning without unnecessary debt gives a couple greater room to save, respond to emergencies and plan together.

Guests will eventually forget the decorations and menu. The couple will continue living with the choices made before the music stopped.

A marriage ceremony should celebrate the beginning of a household, not consume the capital needed to build it.

Before the marriage begins, the money should not already be gone.

**Dr Shame Mugova is a Lecturer in Finance at Birmingham City University. The views expressed are his own and do not necessarily reflect those of NewZimbabwe.com **

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