Sex Talk: Where is your naughty side?

I have mentioned the importance of roleplaying and games quite a few times in this column, and how they can be a gamechanger in a marriage whose good days are now talked about only in past tense.

But every few weeks or months, an email pops up, asking what exactly I mean by this, because, as one reader said, “It sounds like a really foreign concept you picked up from those movies and wrote about for the sake of writing. This is Africa. Sex and marriage are not a game.”

Well. Aren’t we the very people who grew up hearing references of ‘playing sex’? I still don’t understand why that particular phrase caught on, by the way.

But anyway, today I took a glass of water and decided to dive in (as I grow older, I am becoming quite shy writing about some aspects. Cough-cough). But look; engage your inner child – that playful, naughty side – and make the now routine, boring sex vibrant once again.

**PLACE BETS **

Not monetary bets, but sexual and sensual ones. I have failed to outgrow Ludo and Scrabble, by the way, so forgive me if they are constantly my go-to board games. But you could have other indoor games you enjoy, such as cards, Monopoly, etc.

Introduce high stakes for winning or losing. Like, if I win, you remove a garment from your body… or if one loses, they must perform a certain erotic task. See how far you go with that game!

**KILL ONE SENSE **

You can also decide to switch things up a huge notch, by exploring senses that you have not involved in your lovemaking in ages.

You can disable the sense of taste, or sight, or touch, once in a while, and naturally yank the remaining senses out of their comfort zones, to make up for the missing one.

For the shy wife that has always made love with the lights off, blindfold your husband for once, and leave the light on and go on an adventure trip. There is nothing to fear; there are no insecurities to hide.

So let go of the inhibitions. If your spouse usually says all the wrong things during lovemaking, challenge them not to say a single thing, or to just whisper; after all, many couples have been in situations before, where they made love but did not want someone to hear them.

So, unless she is a psychopath, I don’t imagine her whispering at crunch-time: “Who is Nakakawa to you?”

**THE MAGIC WISH **

Last, but definitely not least, on special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or even when your spouse has been really good, or reached an important professional milestone, let there be something you design for the sole purpose of granting magic wishes.

If your spouse is presented that item by you (it could be a make-believe magic wand, crystal ball, etc), they know you are giving them a blank cheque to make an erotic wish you will be obliged to fulfill.

You can play out fantasies – within mutually acceptable parameters; ask for a special meal – cooked in the kitchen or in bed, etc. I could go on and on, but let your inner child out to play, you will be shocked by how funny and creative you can be.

The problem is that you probably take life too seriously all the time, but sadly, do not approach sex with the ‘seriousness’ and planning it deserves.

Meticulously planning for the sex in your marriage does not make you obsessed, addicted or promiscuous; it shows you are committed to the factors that keep your union healthy and enjoyable.

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