Raising better boys

South Africa's conversations about men's mental health often begin when men are already in crisis. But what if some of that work needs to start much earlier — while they are still boys?

It is a question at the heart of the work of ADOPT A SON, a non-profit organisation established in 2019 to support boys growing up without positive father figures.

Based in Westonaria, the organisation provides mentorship, academic support, emotional guidance and practical assistance to boys from vulnerable communities. Its aim is to help boys develop the skills and support networks they need to become responsible, emotionally healthy and accountable men.

For director Antonette Mofokeng, the focus on boys grew from what she saw as a gap in the way society responds to young people.

"With the current rise in youth unemployment, substance abuse, crime and gender-based violence, we decided to focus on boys because society tends to neglect the boy child," she said.

Rather than waiting until young men are already struggling, ADOPT A SON works with boys earlier, using mentorship, life skills, emotional intelligence, leadership, community service and academic support.

At the centre of the programme is a conversation about masculinity. For Mofokeng, redefining masculinity is not about making boys feel guilty about being male. It is about broadening their understanding of what strength can mean.

"Redefining masculinity is about helping boys grow into healthy, grounded and responsible young men," Mofokeng said. "We do that through mentorship, life skills, emotional intelligence, leadership, community service, academic support and honest conversations that meet boys where they are."

During mentorship sessions, boys are encouraged to question messages they may have absorbed about what it means to be a man — that they must always be tough, never cry, always be in charge and never ask for help.

"They decide what is healthy and what is harmful," Mofokeng said. "Through those discussions, they realise that boys have feelings too. They learn that they can cry when they feel overwhelmed, that asking for help does not make them weak and that they do not always have to pretend to be strong."

Many boys arrive needing practical assistance such as food, toiletries, school shoes or uniforms. But Mofokeng said those visible needs can sometimes mask deeper difficulties.

"A child who is hungry, ashamed or feels unprepared for school is already carrying a heavy burden," she said.

ADOPT A SON's social auxiliary worker deals with families and schools to assess children, develop support plans and make professional referrals where necessary.

"We help understand what is happening underneath the surface," Mofokeng said. "Sometimes what looks like a need for school shoes is actually a child carrying grief, neglect or emotional pain."

Mentors are screened before working with children, with identities verified and references checked. They are trained in child safeguarding, trauma-informed mentorship, emotional intelligence, communication and ethical conduct.

"We take no shortcuts because trust is everything when you work with children," said Mofokeng. "We are looking for men who are steady, humble, consistent and safe."

The programme's emphasis on positive male role models reflects its belief that boys benefit from consistent, supportive men in their lives. Mentors cannot replace fathers, but they can provide another experience of male support based on listening, guidance and accountability.

"It is in the confidence in how a boy walks and talks. It is in how he looks forward to going to school now that he has proper shoes and clothes like his peers. It is in the sparkle in his eyes when he finally feels seen, loved and acknowledged."

ADOPT A SON tracks school attendance, academic progress, emotional well-being, mentorship participation, family involvement and behaviour, as well as less quantifiable changes.

It also looks for changes that are harder to quantify. "We ask whether boys are learning to speak instead of exploding. Are they asking for help instead of hiding their pain? Are they choosing discipline over destruction?"

The organisation says mentorship, sport, dance, art and other activities can provide boys with constructive ways to cope with pressure while building confidence and a sense of belonging.

But its work extends beyond the boys themselves. Many of those in the programme are raised by mothers, grandmothers, aunts and other women who carry significant responsibility in households where fathers are absent.

ADOPT A SON also provides women with training in areas including entrepreneurship, project management, digital and financial literacy, leadership and business management.

"We are centred on the boy child but we do not believe boys grow in isolation," said Mofokeng.

"When women are economically stronger, children are more stable, homes become less pressured and boys grow up in environments where there is more dignity and more hope."