“I Wish I Had Done More”: Nigerians On Losing Loved Ones To Mental Health Struggles

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Losing someone who struggled with their mental health can leave the people they loved with grief, anger, guilt and questions they may never get answers to. We spoke to Nigerians who lost loved ones after years of struggling with their mental health about the memories they hold on to and how they’ve learnt to live with the loss.

**“I was angry that he left me to deal with everything alone” — Hannah*, 44**

I lost my husband to suicide in 2016 after a failed business deal wrecked our finances. He borrowed millions of naira to invest in the business , but he was scammed and lost everything. Things became even harder when he started having health problems. We completely hit rock bottom.

I kept doing my best to keep us afloat and coast through the tough times. Then, one day, I came home and found my husband dead. He had taken his own life.

His death was difficult enough, but some of his relatives refused to believe that he had died by suicide. They accused me of poisoning him, which meant I had to deal with their suspicions while grieving my husband. I was also angry with him. I felt like he left me with even more problems. But over the years, I’ve forgiven him. I’ve accepted that he must have been in a very difficult place to make that decision.

**“I wish I had stayed close to her” — Zainab*, 26**

Lat year, I lost my cousin to drug use and mental health issues. We used to be very close, but grew apart as she became more and more erratic. She would call me for money and often wouldn’t return it. Eventually, my mum warned me to stay away from her.

She later went to rehab and was trying to get better, but she eventually relapsed, and took her own life. Her parents and siblings did everything they could to support her, but she didn’t have many people outside her family. I wish I had chosen to see the good in her and stayed close.

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**“His death changed the way I see life” — Adeleke*, 28**

I lost a friend from work in 2023. Life wasn’t fair to him. His mum and only sibling died in a car accident while returning from his convocation, and he had to support himself afterwards. I knew he was struggling. He sometimes had mood swings and would withdraw from people, but I always tried to be there for him.

We saw each other at work on the Friday before he died. He didn’t show up on Monday, and when I texted him, he didn’t respond. By Tuesday, I was worried and tried to find out what had happened. I eventually learnt that his neighbours had found him unconscious in his apartment on Sunday. He was in critical condition in the hospital for some time, but he didn’t make it.

His death was painful because he had already been through so much. But losing him also changed my perspective on life. I now remind myself to make time for the things that make me happy.

**“I still wonder if I could have done more” — David* 29**

I lost a friend to suicide in 2021. He had struggled with his mental health and his sexuality for years, especially after his sibling outed him to his family. His dad punished him severely, and he was also frustrated by repeated visa rejections while trying to leave the country.

A few weeks before he died, I noticed he had stopped posting on his story as often. I checked on him, and he told me he was okay. I believed him and didn’t push further.

When I heard the news, I was in shock. His family didn’t want people to know that he had taken his own life, and I only found out after speaking to his sister. I kept thinking about our last conversation and wondering if things would have been different if I had followed up or pushed for a deeper conversation. I still feel guilty about that.

If you need support, someone to talk to, or immediate help, these Nigerian mental health resources may help.

Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) — Youth-focused mental health support

mentallyaware.org | Crisis support: +234 916 841 7413

She Writes Woman — Free teletherapy & crisis helpline

shewriteswoman.org | +234 800 800 2000

SURPIN — Suicide prevention & crisis intervention

surpinng.com | 080 0078 7746

Asido Foundation — Emotional wellness assessments & 24/7 Helpline

asidofoundation.com | +234 902 808 0416

National Emergency Helpline: 112