Sex Talk: How to choose an intimate gift

I have seen men severally complain, that they are tired of being gifted boxers (underwear) and socks, from spouses to whom they gift jewellery and perfumes, in return.

After that backlash, some women ‘abaakolamu’ (the loaded ones), now seem to have switched to car tyres, en masse. Banange, what if his car tyres are still new? Won’t you be offended when he trades yours in for cash, or worse, re-gifts them?

Because tyres have an expiry date too, you know! Before you start shredding me, hear me out; don’t follow a bandwagon. Think about what will really thrill your spouse and, inadvertently, improve your sex lives for another year.

Do your research: gratitude is one of the drivers of good sex, even subconsciously. Not all women appreciate jewellery, lingerie or perfumes. Shocker, right? There is one who looks at your purchases and smiles politely, but secretly wishes you had just given her that equivalent in cash!

I told this to a husband working in a neighbouring country, after he said he is confused by his wife of nine years. Every time he takes a break and comes home, he finds the perfumes and jewellery he often buys her, still wrapped and untouched.

I told him, “Maybe try cash (I know; I am starting to sound like I have an unhealthy relationship with money – grinning emoji), for you clearly don’t know her taste.”

He was adamant, he had exquisite taste. I asked him to send me a photo of the unused perfumes, and the first one I saw, retails at about Shs 25,000 in the supermarket. Could it be that she detested how cheap they were?

Could it be that she genuinely could not stand perfumes but did not want to burst his bubble? Anyway, after a lot of back and forth, he started giving her cash gifts and organizing gift coupons for her special days, and the gratitude was tangible in sooooo many different ways.

Know your spouse well; you will find that just a home-cooked meal by you, who always depends on domestic help, will sensually change the tide. Or, after years of always begging you and haggling, initiate sex, and watch the pink elephants march in to lightning bolts and rolls of thunder!

You can also let him into the sacred place called ‘sente y’ekikazi’ (a woman’s hard-earned cash), and spend lavishly on him for date night, or give him cash (there I go again!)

Seriously, a husband once proudly showed off a crisp Shs 1,000 note that he has refused to spend years down the road, because “it is the note my wife tipped me with one night, when my moves in bed were beyond satisfactory”.

He has it as a bookmark for his Bible. On the other hand, one wife said the day her husband tiled their house as her wedding anniversary gift will always be memorable, and she reminisces the shades of pink their elephants wore that night, with a naughty smirk.

It is interesting how many couples fail at gifting, simply because they don’t know one another. Yes, your wife may often gush over dinner sets at the supermarket, but please don’t get her glasses or a flask for her birthday. Be creative. Look at and listen to your spouse; that perfect gift will come to you in a eureka moment.

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