Love Life: We Agreed to Spend a Week Together to See If We’d Work

Love Life* is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between**.*

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Temi (35) and Wumi (32) met on an Africa Magic film set in 2022.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a week of living together before they were officially dating, a proposal disguised as a baby shower, and building their own production company alongside their marriage.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Wumi: We met on the set of an African Magic series in October 2022. I’d been shooting for a couple of months, then the story got to a point where they were going to bring in some new characters; very wicked ones, too. Everyone on set was curious about who would play them. Then someone mentioned that one Temi Fosudo was playing one of the characters a day before he arrived. But his name didn’t register because I’d never heard of him. He joined us on set the next day, and I could finally put a face to his name.

Temi: I actually always assumed we had the same first memory of each other. I didn’t know she had this preamble. Anyway, my first memory of Wumi was the day I joined the Itura production.

I walked into the actors’ holding room greeting everyone, and I saw her. Normally, I don’t remember faces when I walk into a crowded room, because it overstimulates me and I just look for a corner to sit in. But her face registered properly for reasons I didn’t understand. We said hello, and that was all.

What was it about her that registered with you, Temi?

Temi: It wasn’t anything physical. I think she was in costume, and her natural hair was out, but it was really her aura. She had a very welcoming spirit.

Wumi: I remember I was actually done for the day and wanted to go back to the lodge. But I looked up when he came in and spent an extra second looking at him. My first thought was that he was a fine boy. He had a shy smile. Then someone shouted “baby” at him, and I thought, who’s already calling him baby? It turned out they just knew each other from the set. The way he answered was also very calm. He came off as a well-mannered guy.

So what happened after that first day?

Temi: I was keeping to myself most of the time. During that period, I lived in Ibadan, so it was usually a long, exhausting drive to Lagos. Whenever I got to set, I just wanted my own space and all. Then, one day, she conned me into playing Ludo with her.

Wumi: I was looking for someone new to beat, since I was beating everybody on set. Everyone else had gone to shoot, so it was just him and a few others in the holding room. I asked if he played Ludo, and he said yes, and I beat him three-nil. He has refused to play with me again since then.

Screaming.

Temi: She didn’t cheat, I’ll admit. But during the game, we also spent a lot of time talking, bantering, and just getting to know each other on a surface level. I remember we also took a stroll and talked about the book I was writing. Then, another night, I drove us to the supermarket. I bought her something without thinking, and it turned out she bought me something too. It was a cute and friendly moment. I remember walking back to her saying, “Hey, I bought this for you,” and she also went, “I bought this for you, too.”

Wumi: During this period, I also found out Temi wasn’t exactly a big talker. I found that interesting because it meant I could do most of the talking and he could listen. I remember telling him I was on a man cleanse, which might have been too much information, considering we’d only just met. But that was also how easy it was to be around each other. The whole time, I didn’t know he was registering it all. I also found out he was a writer and was working on a book at the time, so that was fun for me. We had so much to talk about.

The funny thing is, while checking him out online, I found out his dad is the legendary actor Sola Fosudo, and that one of my best friends, Wendy, knew him. Her brother went to university with him. We had so many mutual friends that I wondered where he’d been all this time.

Sounds cute. What was going on in your love lives at the time, though?

Temi: I was in a relationship. I was driving to see my girlfriend in Ibadan almost every weekend and coming back on Sunday or Monday. The relationship was already having problems, though I didn’t tell Wumi at first. The babe and I eventually realised we weren’t compatible.

Wumi: I was single. The fact that Temi had a girlfriend actually made me more comfortable with him, because I didn’t have to worry that he’d like me or that something weird would happen. I did feel a twinge of disappointment, because he’s a fine boy and I would have loved to flirt a little. But I’m monogamous, and if you have someone and you move to me, you’ve lost me. So I thought, okay, moving on.

Temi: I eventually broke up with the lady. The relationship had just run its course. At the time, Wumi and I were just friends. She was in Lagos, and I was in Ibadan, and we didn’t even have each other’s numbers, only Instagram, where we chatted here and there.

However, when the relationship ended, I told her I was single now. I wasn’t making a move, I told her as a friend, because she knew I used to travel to see my girlfriend. But part of me knew that if I didn’t say it, we’d never find out if there was something worth pursuing.

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I see. And how did you take that news, Wumi?

Wumi: This is so funny because I remember the day he told me. I stood up and started dancing where I was, and I don’t know why. I called one of my friends and told her he was single. She asked why I was happy, and I said, because now I can flirt without feeling guilty. That’s when I realised I’d been suppressing something. Before then, he wasn’t even in my subconscious.

Curious. How did the friendship play out now that you were both single?

Wumi: Honestly, we only just grew deeper as friends. We found out our birthdays are two days apart, and we finally exchanged numbers. He wasn’t a fan of long calls until me, and we’d talk into the middle of the night. We talked about everything: family, religion, feminism, and football. I’m a feminist, and I don’t usually call men feminists, but I would call him one. We debated a lot, but the conversations were healthy. He was more serious than I’m used to, and also goofier than I expected. He found out I watch football too. He’s a Liverpool fan, and I support Man City, who are having a bad time right now.

Temi: I liked that we shared similar values, and that we could argue and still be fine afterwards. In fact, I liked what was happening between us, and I think that was when I first started to picture us as an item. But somewhere in all that certainty that I liked her, I also knew that it’s easier to fall for someone when you haven’t really been in the same physical space with them at length. That’s how you know if they’re an actual version of everything they’ve projected. By that time, we’d gone out a few times and hung out. But about two months in, I proposed something weird.

I said we should spend one week together in the same space.

Wumi: Most people go on a date or two, but he wanted us to be together for days. If we still felt the same connection and attraction after that, we’d see where it went. I kept asking what he wanted, and he’d say, “You’ll soon know.” I told him that sounded like a threat. I’d also joked earlier on that I was still enjoying the streets, and he told me my time on the streets was up. Meanwhile, in my head, I was only just getting started.

Right. But how did you really feel about his proposal?

Wumi: I hadn’t felt that kind of tension since my first day of secondary school. I was about two years out of a long relationship and taking my time, so this wasn’t in my plans. But I was open to it.

On the agreed-upon week, he drove to Lagos and brought yams and meat, because I’d told him I don’t like the market and I don’t like cooking. We went to the supermarket, and I bought everything I wanted, chocolate included, and I was ready to pay my share. Then this man brought out his card and paid for everything. I remember joking that he must have plenty of money, and he said it wasn’t plenty, but he could afford what we needed. I liked that answer.

What was the week like?

Wumi: It was easy. We watched movies, went out, and talked. It felt like we were already married, which was weird and scary. I’d decided not to hide anything, so if he did something I didn’t like, I told him straight away. I don’t like it when people move my things, and he moved a hair cream. I told him not to do that again. It was a very nice week.

Temi: I think it also helped that we’d met up a couple of times before this long stretch spent together. So it wasn’t like something that happened completely out of the blue.

Did staying with a man for a whole week worry you, Wumi?

Wumi: A little. I’m cautious and very security-conscious. But our mutual friends lived about fifteen minutes from my house, and Wendy’s brother had known him since university. Everyone said he was cool. I had also lived with a partner before, so staying with someone wasn’t new. What made me anxious was opening myself up mentally, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold certain things back.

Would you say you achieved the outcome you wanted from that visit?

Temi: I did. It was a deciding move for me. I already believed she was someone I could spend my life with, but I needed to be completely sure. People can be different when you share a space with them. I wanted to simulate marriage. If it didn’t work, we’d still be friends. My own house in Ibadan was always full of younger boys and friends, so there was no privacy there. That was why we decided on her place in Lagos.

Wumi: I’m hearing this for the first time. I thought he was trying to show me that a relationship isn’t the worst thing for me at this point in my life. I had no idea he was thinking about marriage. I’m glad I was open to it.

Temi: Anyway, I left her place knowing I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and that I wanted to marry her. Saying the marriage part out loud so early sounded a bit psychopathic, so I kept it to myself.

When did you ask her out?

Temi: A few weeks later, at a film festival run by my best friend. This was sometime around April, 2023. We were watching a movie, and a character recited a love poem in Yoruba. I don’t speak Yoruba, but I repeated the poem beside her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

Wumi: I said yes, but I told him that wasn’t how I wanted to be asked. I told him to use his words and tell me why he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and that he couldn’t sleep without me. He planned a proper dinner and asked again, as a surprise, about a month later. The funny thing is, that was something I just said in the moment to tease him. We were already dating, so I didn’t expect him to ask a second time. But he did.

The first time was April 27th, and the second was in late May. I still think the film festival is the foundation of everything we’re building now, because I wasn’t that invested in the industry before.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Temi: Dreamy. It felt like an unending honeymoon phase, and I think right now it feels like we’re back to the early days of our relationship in a way. There was no moment where I thought I’d made a mistake. We debated a lot, and it pushed us to learn more.

Wumi: Everything he said. I got a lot more grounded in my knowledge of the industry. Before, I just wanted to act and keep it moving. But Temi pushed me to be more involved in the festivals and all the other moving parts of our craft. And it was vice versa.

I was a fashion and beauty editor at the time, and he learned a lot about fashion and beauty from me. He was also planning to move to Lagos anyway, since he was almost always shooting here and barely spent time in his place in Ibadan. Everything just worked well in those early days. But we also had small hiccups here and there.

And how did you handle these “hiccups”?

Wumi: So in my past relationships, if we fought, I was always ready to up and leave. With Temi, it was different. I’d tell him how I felt because I wanted us to work through it, not because I wanted to fight more. I used to be stubborn about wanting an answer immediately. Eventually, he explained that he always needed time to sort through his feelings before he could handle whatever we were going through in any given moment. It took some getting used to, but we found a balance. He’s since learnt to think a little faster, and I wait a little longer.

Temi: I think it’s because I’m somewhat conflict-avoidant. I like to debate issues with myself first before addressing them head-on. For me, it’s never about trying to win the argument; I’m only trying to get to the truth. However, it turns out that when I only argue with myself, I’m using only the facts I have, and when I finally tell her, she adds a detail I didn’t know, so all that time was wasted.

I’ve learned to speak sooner and explain why I do things.

Wumi: Over time, we’ve also learnt to accept that one person isn’t trying to hurt the other when they communicate their issues. When I got suspicious about something he’d done, he’d ask why I thought he’d do something on purpose. That helped me separate the issue from him and remember that he’s a kind and honest person first.

Nice. When exactly did marriage come up?

Wumi: At some point, Temi asked what I thought about marriage. I hadn’t really given it much thought after my last relationship. Yet, when he brought it up, I said I’d do it as long as it’s with him.

Then one night at home, with his friend around, we measured each other’s ring fingers. I think he engineered that conversation so well that I didn’t realise it was pre-planned. On September 30th, 2023, five months into dating, he asked me to marry him.

Temi: I was sure. By that point, I’d become very strict about who I dated, and I was ending talking stages in three days. When I met Wumi, I knew I’d gotten to my final bus stop. I didn’t see the point of dating for a year to prove something I already believed. Before you propose, you should already be talking about marriage, and we were.

Wumi: It was a really cute proposal, too.

Awwwn. Tell me about it.

Wumi: He plotted with my friends and they successfully pulled a surprise on me. I genuinely thought I was attending a friend’s baby shower. I even paid my part of the contribution for the said friend. That morning, I woke up with an allergy and nobody could convince me to wear heavy makeup or wear a purple dress, because that’s my favourite colour. I got to the venue, saw “Will you marry me?” and it still didn’t dawn on me.

It took five different possibilities before I realised it was mine and saw someone recording me. I sat down and laughed for a long time before I could walk over. Then Temi forgot his lines. Our song was playing, and all I remember is him saying there was nobody else he’d rather spend his life with.

Temi: The hardest part was finding the ring. She wanted a purple stone, and I couldn’t find one anywhere, so I had to have one made. I hid my phone the whole time because she notices everything. I told her I was writing a script for someone, and her friend helped by telling her she was trying to reach me for work. I’m glad we pulled it off.

We had our introduction in December 2023 and got married in June 2024.

How would you describe the marriage so far?

Temi: Amazing. We’re still building on the same foundation of friendship, openness, honesty, and love. There was a period when our arguments got too heated, but it didn’t last. We share everything, finances, dreams, plans, and she’s also learning to share her food.

Wumi: I can’t remember half of what used to cause those heated arguments. But a big part was probably keeping our individuality in marriage. I like to push him, and I struggled with knowing when to stop. I was also frustrated with work, and he had a lot going on, too, so small comments kept building up.

At one point, I told him that at the end of the day, he was just a man, and that comment really got to him more than I intended. I’d been projecting things from past experiences. I eventually had to remind myself that this is Temi, not every man out there.

Temi: It also helps that one of us is always willing to step back, and most of the time it’s me. We can’t keep going at it band for band when emotions are high. Sometimes I stop responding in that moment, and she knows to stop pushing as well.

We’ve also just realised that we’re in this together. Whatever we’re both going through, we always come back to the same table where we’re both seated. I’m the person for her, and she’s the person for me.

Neat. How would you say this relationship has changed you?

Temi: My style is more expressive now. But I’ve also gained a creative partner. For years, everyone I shared ideas with was a man, my dad or my friends. Now I have a woman who starts giving me ideas before I’ve finished a script, and she sees things from an angle I can’t. She’s also brought structure into my creative life, and I’m forever grateful for that.

Wumi: Being with Temi has changed me in many beautiful ways. I found my person, but I’ve also found my calling. I’m building a production company with my husband, whom I always call my genius. People see and say I’m glowing, and that’s the truth. I can have bad days and the moment I see him, and he hugs me, everything is well with the world again.

We also have regular check-ins where we ask each other if we’re happy and if we feel loved. All in all, our relationship has made me a lot more secure in my career, and I feel reassured that I’m not going through life alone.

Speaking of career, how has it been working together in the same industry?

Wumi: Awesome. As I said, Temi’s a genius. I love that I play my part in sharing creative ideas with him and helping him bring his ideas to life in the best way possible.

We made a short film called Tell It No More, which is on YouTube, and we recently shot another one that’s in post-production. Then there’s our play, The Greatest Actor of All Time. When we met, Temi kept telling me about a story he’s carried for years. When I heard it, I thought it would touch hearts and shake some tables. The first run in Lagos was widely received. We did it again, and now we’re staging it a third time in October with Alliance Francaise, all within a year.

Temi: I’ll add that it hasn’t always been completely seamless. We argue and have our little back-and-forths. But neither of us holds back, and we always find a way to make it work.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Temi: A 10. I’m happy, my life is more interesting, and it’s easier to dream when someone is dreaming beside you.

Wumi: A 10 as well. It’s so much fun being in love with Temi, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t think it could be this good, and I don’t talk about how good this feels because I feel like I’d jinx it. But this is my guy.

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