Love Life: I Met His Mum the Night He Passed Out in My Bathroom

Love Life* is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between**.*

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Joe* (31) and Matilda* (28) met during Joe’s NYSC placement in 2019.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about reconnecting two years later, the night Joe collapsed in Matilda’s bathroom, and she had to call his mother at midnight, and why Matilda still hasn’t felt fully at home with that same mother since.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

**Joe: **October 2019. Matilda was recruited at the tail end of my NYSC posting at a financial services company. I was the only corper there for a while, and the youngest person in the office, too. Two months earlier, I’d heard another corper was joining. I remember the HR person used to tease me, saying I’d soon have a fellow corper to keep me company. But weeks went by and I didn’t see anyone, so I assumed it wasn’t happening.

Then, I took a one-week break from work to sort out some NYSC clearance issues. I came back the following Monday and saw this cute lady sitting at the reception. I immediately knew she was the new corper and introduced myself.

Matilda: I remember thinking, “What’s wrong with this one?” when he stretched his hands out. It was cute and funny at the same time. But that was also my first memory of Joe. I’d actually wanted to work at a fashion brand, but every attempt to land a role at the big fashion houses fell through. Then my mum suggested doing something in the financial sector, since it was more relevant to my course of study anyway. I had real reservations, especially after hearing during the interview that I’d be the only corper there. But the salary was also convincing, so in the end, I took the job when the offer came in.

Even though I’d initially thought Joe was too forward, having him around made that first day less overwhelming. However, I’d also heard he was leaving soon, so I didn’t want to get too attached since he wouldn’t be around anyway. But he was just really persistent, almost like a baby in a candy shop.

Joe: Fear women. I was just trying to make her feel welcome. I didn’t get that when I joined. The corper before me was one stuck-up babe who never smiled.

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Screaming. So I’m guessing you guys developed an office friendship?

Joe: We did. From that first week, we started sitting together, buying lunch together, waiting for each other after work and occasionally sharing rides on our way home. Some people in the office actually asked if we’d known each other before. I think, for me, it came from being starved of having someone my age around at work for so long.

Matilda: And it happened naturally, too. After that first day of initial gra-gra, I actually noticed Joe was a cool guy. I mean, he’s good-looking, dresses really nicely, and those are two things I look for in a guy. But as said, we fell into a rhythm of always being around each other during and after work hours.

Sounds sweet. And what happened when Joe’s service year ended?

Matilda: Proper tears o. He left toward the end of November, and I was genuinely heartbroken. In the few weeks we spent together, I realised why he was so excited to have me around. People at that office were mostly older guys who held traditional views and just wanted to boss you around. They’d also make annoying remarks like “You’re still young now. You don’t have any serious responsibilities.” And the women were just really judgmental. I couldn’t imagine having to be alone with people like that. I remember crying at his send-off, and people in our department were surprised at how hard I took it. But I can be quite emotional like that.

Joe: I’d actually hoped they would retain me. I did a little lobbying, but that didn’t help in the end. I wasn’t dating anyone at the time. I had a couple of girls I was messing with, but seeing Matilda emotional at my send-off did something to me. I didn’t fully understand what it was yet. But I was genuinely touched.

Curious, Matilda. Were you dating at the time?

Matilda: I was in a long-distance relationship then, and I really loved my boyfriend. I genuinely wasn’t seeing Joe in that light at all; he was just a work colleague turned friend whom I’d grown fond of.

Got it. Did you two stay in touch after he left?

**Joe: **We did, mostly calls and texts. But as the months went by, the frequency naturally reduced.

Matilda: Around that same period, my boyfriend started complaining that I seemed distracted, though it wasn’t specifically because of Joe. Our relationship was just going through its own strain.

Joe: I think it was also just because we were experiencing different realities. I didn’t get a job as quickly as I thought. I was trying to start a little clothing business, it was just so many things going on. She’d cross my mind sometimes, but I didn’t reach out all the time. Besides, I knew she was dating and I wanted to respect her boundaries.

So how did you guys end up reconnecting?

Joe: We ran into each other at an event in late 2021. I spotted her first across the room and walked up to her. We hugged and screamed so much that we drew attention. We ended up spending the rest of the party together. We had so many things to catch up on since the last time we’d seen each other.

Matilda: I remember some of my friends who were also at the party kept asking me about him afterwards. They wanted to know why we seemed so close and why I seemed so comfortable around him. I told them he was just a friend, nothing more, but for some reason, they thought I was lying.

Joe: After the party, I could stop thinking about Matilda. She’d changed a lot and looked even better than the last time I’d seen her. However, I didn’t know how to ask if she was still in a relationship, so I started checking her Instagram and Twitter for clues instead of asking outright. Instagram didn’t say much; she only had about two old pictures there. But on Twitter, I found a few tweets and that made me conclude she wasn’t dating, and if she was, it probably wasn’t something serious.

But did you eventually ask her directly to be sure?

Joe: I did, just to confirm what I’d already suspected from some of her posts.

Matilda: I actually found it funny when he asked. I told him straight up that I was single. I was talking to a few people, obviously, but it wasn’t anything concrete. My instincts had always told me Joe liked me, even back when we were coworkers at the NYSC posting. But I used to brush it off because he’d never been direct and I didn’t want to misinterpret our friendship.

Joe: Then, not long after, I sent her a message on WhatsApp telling her I’d like us to be in a relationship.

Matilda: The exact words were “I’d like you to be mine.” I laughed so hard when I got the message and even sent laughing emojis. The line felt like something straight out of a movie script. For some reason, I just thought he was joking, and then he said he wasn’t. I think we had a two- to three-hour call after that message, and I realised he was actually serious. But I told him he had to say everything to me in person, not on the phone.

We went on a couple of dates, kept talking regularly and eventually became official in March 2022.

Awwn. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Joe: They were sweet. We were doing all the relationship regulars. Movie dates, long hours spent on calls, visiting each other and it just felt like we were living a version of our NYSC days, only this time, as lovers. I think what really made it feel so easy was that we genuinely liked each other as friends long before feelings got in the picture. So we didn’t have to navigate any early days of awkwardness.

Matilda: I agree. That foundation made a difference for us. We could easily agree to disagree; nothing felt too serious that we couldn’t solve after a deep, honest conversation. Dating just felt like adding an extra layer to our friendship rather than starting from scratch.

Joe: I also found out Matilda was a lot more emotional than I’d clocked during NYSC days. She wears her feelings quite openly and cries easily. It was hard to navigate at first because I process things a lot differently. I get emotional, too, but not to the point of tears. The thing with Matilda is, she could be crying, and you’d think something bad had happened only to hear “I passed my course. My friend just got engaged.” Everything makes this woman cry.

Matilda: I can’t help it. I’m actually bothered that I’ve never seen Joe cry. He processes his emotions differently. He’d just have this stoic, unfeeling look on his face and you wouldn’t be able to tell if he’s angry or sad. I think the most emotional moment I saw him was when he fell sick.

Oh. Tell me more about that.

Matilda: That weekend, I’d asked Joe to come to my place. At the time, I was staying in a shared flat with two friends, and they both travelled to Ibadan and I didn’t want to be alone. I’d always been the one going to his place, so for once, I asked him to come over. This naughty boy did anyway, even though he wasn’t feeling too well.

Joe: It wasn’t anything serious, to be honest. I went to work that Friday and continued with my normal activities. When she asked, it also felt like a good opportunity to relax with my babe. Plus, I was a bit worried about her being in the flat alone for two nights. So I packed a bag and went over, thinking whatever I was feeling would pass.

When I got there, everything felt fine at first. We hung out as we’d usually do, and she even made me this healthy salad that was supposed to help me find my appetite. Then, around bedtime, I started feeling lightheaded. She told me to go take a warm shower and I figured that would help. But that’s probably the last thing I remember.

Matilda: While he was in the bathroom, I heard a loud thud that startled me. I ran and found him unconscious on the floor. I completely panicked and didn’t know what to do at first, so I just started pouring water on his head, hoping it would wake him up. He eventually opened his eyes and started mumbling something, but it was inaudible. Then, when I tried to lift him, he couldn’t move at all.

Did you try to get help?

Matilda: I actually wanted to call my own parents first, but they lived far away, and honestly, I dreaded the thought of them finding out I had a man in my apartment. By the time Joe regained full consciousness, he still couldn’t stand. Whenever he tried, he felt this sharp, excruciating pain in his waist. That was when I went into full panic mode. I thought something had happened to his spinal cord. Then he said we should call his mum, since their house wasn’t too far off.

The call was incredibly awkward. I actually wanted Joe to speak with his mum and tell her what happened, but his words didn’t quite make sense. It felt like he was going in and out of consciousness. Eventually, I did most of the talking. By 1:30 a.m., his mum arrived with her driver and one other man. Then we rushed to the hospital.

Joe: I was barely conscious through most of it, so I only found out the full details of what happened afterwards.

Matilda: I don’t think I’ve ever needed him to be his normal self more than that day. The hospital was especially awkward with his mum.

What do you mean?

Matilda: She started asking me lots of questions. What I’d given him to eat or drink, what exactly had happened before he collapsed. It felt like an unending interrogation. The whole time, I kept running different scenarios through my head, genuinely wondering what I’d gotten myself into. At that point, I’d also informed my siblings, although I told them not to tell our parents yet. Because with the way Joe’s mum was going, it felt like she was going to involve the police or something.

But did she ask how you knew each other in the first place, or how he ended up in your house?

Joe: Throughout that entire hospital stay, my mum never actually asked about my relationship with Matilda. She probably just assumed she was a friend helping out. It wasn’t until the day I was being discharged, when Matilda came to see me off, that I properly introduced her. It felt weird considering everything that had happened.

Matilda: His mum wasn’t harsh toward me at any point, even though the questioning felt a bit too much. But she wasn’t particularly warm either. And that left me feeling really uncomfortable.

Joe: My mum can actually be that way. She’s not the friendliest person, even if she doesn’t mean any ill will by it. She just enjoys her own company and has always been that way, even with people she’s known for years.

Through it all, I’m just thankful for Matilda. Things could have gone a lot worse if her fear had taken over. It’s one of those experiences neither of us will ever forget. Plus, that was how my mum found out about our relationship.

Right. And how’s the relationship between the two of them now?

Joe: It’s just there, really. I do wish it could be better. I don’t want to end up in a situation years down the line where my mum and my wife don’t see eye to eye. So I really hope things change with time, because I know, deep down, my mum doesn’t mean any harm; she’s just reserved by nature and has always been that way.

Matilda: She actually calls to check on me sometimes, so I know there’s no ill intent. It’s just hard for me to fully shake the memory of how she reacted that first day we met. I understand it was nothing personal, but still…

Despite everything, what’s the best thing about being with each other?

Matilda: The friendship. We were genuinely close as people before we were ever a couple, and that’s carried us through the relationship. Sometimes, I think of Joe as my best friend first, before I even remember that “oh wait, I also get to call him my lover.” He’s kind, caring and really selfless. The way Joe makes my problem his own and prioritises me is really something.

Joe: I feel the same way about the friendship part. We genuinely like each other as people, not just as partners in a relationship. Matilda talks about selflessness, but I think I also learned from her. She doesn’t joke with my matter and I know she’ll always have my back. Plus, have you seen my baby? She’s your spec’s spec.

I hear you. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Matilda: I’d say 8.5. We’re both glad to have each other, and honestly, we can’t wait for this to move toward marriage. We both know it’s coming soon, and I can’t wait to call him husband.

Joe: I’d give us a 9. Outside of the challenges with my mum, everything else about us feels solid, and I only see that getting stronger from here as we keep building together.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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