Feature: The Silent Alumni

In basic school, there was a poem I remember very well because it taught me an important lesson about human life, freedom and the importance of having people around us.

The poem is titled “I Am Monarch of All I Survey” by William Cowper (1731–1800), written in 1782.

The poem tells the story of a lonely man who is stranded on an island. At first, he is happy about his freedom and independence. He seems to have everything under his control and enjoys being the “monarch” of all he can see. However, behind this freedom is loneliness. The poem reminds us that power, possessions and independence cannot replace human companionship.

Personally, it reminds me of the importance of keeping in touch with the people with whom we grew up and shared important years of our lives. However, after basic school, and even after tertiary education, many former classmates gradually lose contact. Years pass, lives change, and people follow different paths. Some may never meet again.

In the past, meeting an old schoolmate again was often a matter of chance. You could be walking through town and suddenly meet someone you had not seen for many years. I remember meeting a former basic schoolmate in town one day. Charlie, he looked very different, herrr! His hair had turned grey, and he had grown a beard. If he had not recognised me and called me by my name, I might not have recognised him.

It had been more than twenty (20) years since we completed basic school.

On another occasion, I met another old schoolmate after many years. We were in the same dormitory, even shared the same double bed. He looked sick. I did not remember seeing him comment on our alumni WhatsApp platform, so I contacted him after we parted ways.

A few months later, someone posted his obituary on the platform.I was shocked.He was dead. Hmmm…

That experience made me realise that we may know very little about what our old schoolmates are going through simply because they are not active on the platform.

Some may be busy. Others may be facing personal, family or financial problems. Some may simply prefer to remain in the background.

Sometimes, sadly, the next thing we hear about a silent member is not a message from them, but news of their passing.Perhaps, therefore, we should be slower to judge the silent ones.

Today, social media has made it much easier to reconnect. Former schoolmates can find one another almost instantly. However, this new connection has also brought another challenge: the pressure to provide financial support. Sometimes, a former schoolmate needs help because of illness, bereavement, unemployment, an accident or family responsibilities. Naturally, colleagues may want to help. But what happens when someone genuinely wants to help but simply cannot afford to?

This is where the silent alumni come in.

An alumna once expressed her frustration on our basic school (junior high school) WhatsApp group about receiving repeated calls from fellow alumni asking for financial assistance. She had become overwhelmed by the requests. Her experience is certainly not an isolated one.

Pressure

There are alumni who remain silent when financial requests are made, not because they do not care, but because they cannot afford to contribute.

They may be struggling themselves, dealing with important responsibilities at home, or simply not have enough money.Yet silence can easily be misunderstood.

A person who does not contribute may eventually be described as selfish, inactive or uninterested. Others may even begin to distance themselves from that person. In some cases, there may be discussions about removing such people from the alumni group.How sad.

Life is difficult. We do not all have the same opportunities or financial strength. Some people are doing well today, while others are struggling quietly.

Even someone who appears comfortable may be dealing with problems that others know nothing about.This is why alumni associations should be careful about using financial contributions as a measure of commitment.

I remember an occasion when my basic school alumni group decided to construct a washroom facility for the school. When it was time for members to contribute, only a few people had paid. Some comments on the platform were not encouraging.

But perhaps we should pause before judging the silent ones.

Could some have wanted to contribute but lacked the money? Could some have felt ashamed to say, “I cannot afford it”? Could others have remained silent because they feared being judged?

Sometimes, the silent alumnus may actually need help but may be afraid to ask.

Shame can make people withdraw. Guilt can make them avoid the group. Repeated criticism can eventually make them leave the group altogether.That is the tragedy.

An alumni group is created to reconnect old friends, share memories and support one another. It should not become a place where people feel bad or inadequate because they cannot contribute financially.

Contribution comes in many forms.Someone may attend meetings, offer useful advice, use their professional knowledge to help the group, organise an event, connect the group to an opportunity, or simply call another colleague to ask how they are doing.

Someone may contribute financially when they have the means.All these forms of participation are valuable.

The real strength of an alumni association is not how much money its members can raise, but how well its members make one another feel that they still belong.

Let us therefore make room for the silent alumni.Do not assume that silence means indifference. Do not assume that inability to contribute means lack of love. Do not make someone feel worthless because their pocket cannot respond to what their heart wants to do.

After all, we were classmates before we became professionals, business owners, employees, parents and whatever else life has made us.Let money be a means of supporting one another, not a measure of who belongs.

**WRITTEN BY:**Henry Atta Nyame

Institutional Assessment Practitioner

hattanyame@gmail.com

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