WE have been exploring the fascinating ways our minds can sometimes lead us to conclusions before we have all the facts. We have seen how we can assume we know what someone else is thinking, and how easily our minds can turn uncertainty into certainty. But there is another thinking trap that many of us fall into, often without realising it. Sometimes, we do not just assume we know what someone else is thinking; we convince ourselves that we already know what is going to happen next.
Have you ever had an important interview coming up and, before you even entered the room, you had already decided you would not get the job? Perhaps you were waiting for the result of an application and kept telling yourself, “I know they will reject me.” Maybe you met someone you liked and immediately started thinking, “This relationship will not work.” Or you made a mistake at work and concluded, “This is going to ruin everything.”
Nothing has happened yet. The interview has not taken place. The application has not been rejected. The relationship has not ended. The consequences of the mistake have not even unfolded. Yet somehow, your mind has already travelled into the future, written the story and decided how it ends.
Psychologists refer to this as fortune-telling, another form of cognitive distortion. It happens when we predict the future as though we already know what will happen, particularly when we expect a negative outcome. It is the mind taking an uncertain future and presenting one possible outcome as though it were a fact.
And the interesting thing is that our predictions can feel so convincing. Sometimes they are based on previous experiences. You failed an interview before, so you expect to fail again. A relationship ended badly, so you begin to believe every new relationship will end the same way. You applied for jobs several times and received no response, so you decide there is no point trying again.
The mind loves patterns. When something has happened before, it can use that experience to predict what might happen next. That ability is useful because it helps us learn from experience and prepare for what is ahead. But sometimes, the brain takes a previous experience and turns it into a rule.
Imagine someone who has been hurt in a previous relationship. They meet someone new, but instead of allowing themselves to get to know the person, they spend their time waiting for the relationship to fail. Every delayed message becomes a warning. Every disagreement becomes evidence. Every change in tone becomes confirmation that the relationship is heading towards the same ending as the last one.
The person is not responding only to what is happening now. They are responding to what they believe will happen next.
Sometimes, we do something similar with our careers, finances, health, friendships and even our dreams. We reject ourselves before anyone else has had the opportunity to do so. We decide not to apply because we are sure we will not be selected. We avoid trying something new because we are convinced it will fail. We refuse to hope because we are afraid of being disappointed. Without realising it, we begin making today’s decisions based on tomorrow’s imagined events.
There is nothing wrong with thinking ahead. In fact, thinking ahead can be incredibly helpful. If you have an examination coming up, studying is preparation. If you have a presentation, practising is preparation. If you are travelling, checking your documents and planning your journey is preparation. But there is a difference between preparing for what might happen and convincing yourself that you already know what will happen.
Preparation says, “This could be difficult, so what can I do to give myself the best chance?” Fortune-telling says, “This will definitely go badly, so there is no point trying.” One gives you something to work with. The other can take away your motivation before you even begin.
This is why our thoughts can influence our behaviour so powerfully. If you believe you will fail, you may stop trying. If you believe someone will reject you, you may never approach them. If you believe a conversation will end badly, you may avoid having it altogether. Eventually, the prediction begins to influence the behaviour that follows.
And sometimes, what we feared happens not because we predicted it correctly, but because our fear changed the way we behaved. This does not mean that positive thinking will guarantee a positive outcome. Life does not work that way. Some interviews will not lead to jobs. Some relationships will end. Some plans will fail. Disappointment is part of being human.
The goal is not to convince ourselves that everything will always work out exactly as we want. The goal is to leave room for reality to unfold. We can say, “I am worried this may not work out,” without saying, “I know it will not work out.”
We can acknowledge uncertainty without turning it into disaster. We can prepare for disappointment without allowing the fear of disappointment to prevent us from living.
Here is something I would like you to carry with you this week. Whenever you catch yourself saying, “I know this will happen,” pause and ask yourself: “Do I actually know this, or am I predicting it?” Then ask, “What else could happen?” That simple pause creates room for possibility.
Perhaps the interview will not go perfectly, but you may still get the job. Perhaps the person you are worried about will surprise you. Perhaps the opportunity you thought was out of reach will work out differently. Perhaps things will not go exactly as planned, but you will discover that you are capable of handling whatever comes next.
The future has not happened yet. Let it arrive before you decide what it will bring.
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