When “That’s How We Do It” Meets the Law: Why Nigerian men must rethink sexual behaviour abroad

There is a lesson some Nigerians are learning the hardest way possible: when you cross a border, your cultural excuses do not cross with you.

In Nigeria, there are behaviours that are sometimes dismissed, minimised or quietly settled within families. Some people grow up watching men behave in ways that are excused with phrases such as “men are men,” “boys will be boys,” or “it is a family matter.”

But what happens when that same behaviour takes place in a country where the police investigate, victims are encouraged to report, CCTV can become evidence and a courtroom—not a family meeting—decides the consequences?

Recent cases involving some Nigerian men abroad should force us to have an uncomfortable conversation.

In July 2026, British Transport Police announced that Nigerian-born Obinwa Obichukwu, 45, was sentenced to two years in prison after being convicted of two sexual assaults involving a woman at London’s Euston station. He was also given a 10-year Sexual Harm Prevention Order and placed on the sex offenders register for 10 years. His claim that the encounter was consensual was rejected by the jury.

Then there is the case of Anthony Sobogun, a Nigerian man who was sentenced in April 2026 to 28 years in prison after being convicted of 17 sexual offences involving two children over a period of more than 15 years. The Metropolitan Police said the offences included rape of a child and repeated sexual abuse.

These are not stories to use for national embarrassment or ammunition against Nigerian men.

They are warnings.

We must stop defending criminal behaviour simply because the person involved is “one of our own.”

When a Nigerian man is arrested abroad for a sexual offence, social media sometimes becomes a courtroom of its own. People immediately ask what the woman did, whether she misunderstood him, whether the man was framed, or why the foreign country is “after Nigerians.”

Of course, every accused person deserves due process. An allegation is not a conviction, and courts must determine guilt based on evidence.

But once a person has been convicted, defending the crime because the offender is Nigerian does nothing to protect Nigeria’s reputation.

It does the opposite.

The better question is: what can we teach our sons before they find themselves in court?

Buying a woman food does not mean she owe you sex.

A woman accepting money from you does not owe you sex.

A woman visiting your home does not mean she has agreed to sexual activity.

Being someone’s girlfriend does not give you unlimited access to her body.

Being someone’s husband does not remove her right to say no.

And no man should ever believe that physical strength, money, age, status or intimidation gives him permission to force himself on another person.

These should not be controversial statements.

They should be basic lessons taught to boys from childhood.

What happens when silence protects the wrong person?

The problem becomes even more serious when children are involved.

There are families where abuse is hidden because the accused is a husband, brother, son, uncle or someone financially important to the household.

A wife may discover that her husband has behaved sexually toward a child or domestic worker and remain silent because she fears losing her marriage, her financial security or her reputation.

Sometimes the victim is blamed.

Sometimes the family asks everyone to keep quiet.

Sometimes influential people intervene.

Sometimes the accused simply carries on with his life.

But silence does not erase abuse.

It only gives the person who caused harm another opportunity to hurt someone else.

And this is where parenting becomes crucial.

Our sons must be taught that masculinity is not measured by how many women they can sleep with, intimidate or boast about.

A responsible man understands restraint.

A responsible man understands boundaries.

A responsible man knows that another person’s body is not his possession.

The internet must stop becoming a weapon against victims

We also need to talk about social media.

When someone reports sexual abuse, thousands of strangers can suddenly become investigators, judges and attackers.

If the accused is popular, wealthy or influential, supporters may attack the person seeking justice.

This is dangerous.

Popularity is not evidence of innocence.

A large following is not a character certificate.

And being famous does not make someone incapable of committing a crime.

At the same time, social-media users must remember that accusations must also be treated responsibly. We should not convict people online without evidence or turn serious allegations into entertainment.

The proper response is neither blind defence nor mob justice.

It is evidence, investigation and due process.

Let us educate, not merely defend

Perhaps Nigerian men abroad need to understand one simple reality: the fact that you got away with something in Nigeria does not make it acceptable.

The law may eventually catch up with behaviour that society once ignored.

And technology makes hiding increasingly difficult. CCTV, phone records, digital messages and other evidence can become central to investigations.

The answer is not to teach Nigerian men how to avoid getting caught.

The answer is to teach them not to commit the offence in the first place.

We should be having conversations with boys about respect, boundaries, self-control and the consequences of sexual violence long before they leave Nigeria.

Parents, schools, religious institutions and community leaders all have a role to play.

And when someone is convicted abroad, our first instinct should not be to attack the victim or portray the offender as a victim of persecution.

We should ask ourselves what went wrong before the crime happened.

What did we fail to teach?

Because the strongest way to protect Nigerian men abroad is not to fight every foreign justice system on their behalf.

It is to raise men who understand that no means no, silence is not permission, money is not consent, marriage is not ownership, and another person’s body is never yours simply because you desire it.

That is not a foreign lesson.

It is a human one.

Author Bio

Tomilayo Imade is a Nigerian writer and project management professional based in England. Passionate about social justice and human-interest stories, she writes thought-provoking articles on culture, mental health, gender, and public affairs. Through her writing, she seeks to challenge harmful social norms, amplify everyday experiences, and inspire meaningful conversations that drive positive change.

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