Love Life: He Was My Best Friend’s Ex, Now He’s Mine

Gboyega* (27) and Itunu* (26) met in a group chat in 2018, when he was dating her best friend.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a two-year talking stage, a breakup in March 2020 for which he gave a flimsy reason, and the phone call that brought them back together in 2025.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Itunu: 2018. I was in my 100-level at the time. One day, my best friend came to our WhatsApp group chat and announced she’d started seeing someone. We were quite mischievous then, and we had this tradition of grilling whoever wanted to date any one of us. So, we added Gboyega to the group and grilled him for a couple of minutes. I remember saying we’d kill him if he ever broke our friend’s heart. It was all fun and games, really, and he was quite the team player. To be fair, I already knew my friend wasn’t going to bring a crazy person to the group chat. He came off as a really cool guy.

Gboyega: She’s pretty much summed up our first encounter. My girlfriend had two very close friends, and Itunu was one of them. She introduced me to them by adding me to the WhatsApp group for the grilling, and I went along with it.

I felt they were just looking out for their friend. They also came at it from a playful angle, not a serious one. Still, it was clear that the person I was dating was very precious to them.

Curious, Itunu. Did you talk much while he was dating your friend?

Itunu: Not really. We’d never met in person, so there really wasn’t any avenue to have any sort of relationship. Maybe we said a few hi and hellos online, but that was about it. My friendship with Gboyega only started after he broke up with my friend. I was genuinely shocked by the outcome.

Oh. Why did that relationship end, Gboyega?

Gboyega: It was actually the other way round. She broke up with me because “I was too soft.” If either of us did something wrong, I’d quickly say sorry and want to move on. She wanted drama, raised voices, and a scenario where I was constantly coming to beg and play makeup. I’m not that kind of person; I prefer my peace of mind. So I didn’t push it when she made her decision. I can’t remember how long it lasted, maybe a year.

Itunu: The funny thing is, even though she’d introduced Gboyega to us, we were completely clueless about whatever was going on in the relationship. She might have mentioned in passing that he was way too chill, but I didn’t know it ran that deep.

And how did the two of you end up talking after the breakup?

Itunu: After she eventually told us in the group chat that she’d broken up with Gboyega, she wasn’t forthcoming about why. I knew Gboyega was a chill guy, so I was curious about what happened. One day, I reached out to ask. I remember asking him, “Are you good?” And then I told him he’d be all right.

Gboyega: I really appreciated the call. I got the feeling that she wanted to hear my side of the story. At that point, I didn’t have a full picture of what my ex had told them. That call marked the beginning of our relationship.

Itunu: The first thing that drew me to him was that he’s Muslim. Most of the people who’d been approaching me were Christians, and I had more Christian friends than Muslim ones. We could relate over fasting and struggling with salah. I remember finding out that we had similar interests in foreign music, and in my head, I thought, “hmmm, that’s why I thought you were cool.”

We went from “are you good” to talking almost every day, then to late-night calls. I’d hide in my room and talk in a muffled voice so my mum wouldn’t catch me.

Gboyega: It became a routine. We’d check on each other in the morning and afternoon and ask how the day was going. I felt we became closer during that phase than I’d been with the person I’d been dating before.

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Was anyone else in the picture for you at that time, Itunu?

Itunu: I was seeing someone, though I don’t count that experience as a relationship. It was hell. Once, I’d travelled to another city to see him over Easter, and he ghosted me. His friend invited me over to make me feel better, and that’s when I found out he was around the whole time. After him, I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone run me mad again.

Right. So at what point did you both realise things were shifting from a platonic place?

Itunu: It started to seem like something more from the moment I was spending hours on calls with him and going to extra lengths to do it. Still, I’m the queen of denial, and I kept trying to push whatever was bubbling up away. He was my friend’s ex, and that felt like breaking sister code. Still, I knew I couldn’t keep telling myself it was nothing. There was definitely something brewing between us.

Gboyega: For me, it was purely her vibe. I was really fascinated by her mind and the way she thinks. She’s smart, outspoken, and she knows what she wants. She was able to hold high-level intellectual conversations, and we’d even brainstorm ideas around different things. Then, slowly, I found myself looking forward to interacting with her

And where was your ex, Itunu’s bestie, in all of this?

Gboyega: We eventually had to have a conversation about it. I told Itunu that if we wanted to pursue whatever was developing between us, her friend had to hear it from us, not find out about it behind our backs. About a week after we had the conversation, Itunu spoke to her.

Itunu: It wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’d actually spoken to our third friend beforehand, and she reminded me how easily my friend flares up. As Gboyega mentioned, she lives for drama. When I brought it up, we had a nasty back-and-forth. And for a while, we stopped speaking.

In the end, however, she told me to do whatever I wanted. Even though she didn’t outright give her blessings, I interpreted her words as that. Interestingly, I don’t think I’ve told Gboyega this before.

So how did things progress between you once Gboyega’s ex was out of the picture?

Itunu: We continued building our friendship. A lot of it was happening via phone calls and text because I was in Ilorin and he was in Lagos. Then, by late 2018, we met for the first time.

I travelled over 45 kilometres to see him. I didn’t tell any of my friends I was going to see a man. After that day, it felt cemented. Then in 2019, I was posted to a hospital in his hometown for my clinical posting, and I met his grandma. He took a week off and just showed up. He’d wait for me at the hospital gate, and we’d walk home together.

I’d call that entire period an elongated talking stage. Nothing was defined, and I slowly became restless. I kept thinking, my enemies will laugh at me, this is my best friend’s ex, and we haven’t even defined anything.

Gboyega: I liked those walks. I was happy being around her, but in the back of my mind, I was already wondering if it would work out.

Curious. What was holding you back, Gboyega?

Gboyega: Two things. When she visited my hometown, she met my grandmother, and later, my granny started saying they wouldn’t accept someone who isn’t from our hometown. That was the first time I wondered if this would work. The second thing was that Itunu is ambitious, and at the time, I was still a clueless young guy who didn’t know what I was doing with my life.

I could see the joy on her face whenever she talked to people about medicine, and I worried that I couldn’t give her that. I felt like I was lagging behind and would only drag her back.

Did you share these concerns with her?

Gboyega: No. I compartmentalised everything and barely talked about these worries. She only found out much later when we’d gone past this whole stage.

Itunu: He eventually asked me out in January 2020. I was doing a clinical posting in another city and staying alone. I don’t even remember how the conversation started, but he showed up one day, asked me out, and I thought, finally.

Gboyega: It sounds crazy, but if you put a gun to my head, I actually don’t remember asking her out when she says I did. That year remains a blur to me, and I’ve shut off a lot of things that happened.

However, I remember breaking up with her in March 2020.

Wait, what?

Itunu: He showed up on a random day and broke up with me. He said we were moving too fast, and I immediately told him I was open to slowing things down and going at a comfortable pace for me. I was doing too much at the time. It felt like I really needed to convince him that we were meant for each other. I’d bombard his DMs with messages.

I remember attending a Ramadan lecture where the imam had preached against dating in Islam. Yet, I told Gboyega that we could find a way to make the relationship halal. It was such a crazy period. I cried so much that my mum asked what was wrong, and I told her I had cramps. But eventually, I accepted his decision.

And what happened after that breakup?

Gboyega: I returned in August 2020 and told her I was seeing someone. I actually wasn’t dating at the time. I just wanted her to move on and find someone who knew what they wanted to do with their life.

Itunu: I asked myself why he’d told me that. I think he wanted me to let go, and it worked. I turned all that anger into volunteering as a content writer for a health organisation. We were planning a nationwide outreach, and I was second-in-command. So I had my hands full with actual, important work.

Right. So what were the next couple of years like for both of you? Did you see anyone else?

Gboyega: We carried on with our lives in a way. Although I’ll admit that I still missed her. I saw some of the impressive work she was doing, and I once emailed her on New Year’s Eve in 2020. It was my way of saying I hoped she was doing well.

Itunu: I saw right through his actions. But I was in no mood for whatever games he was playing. I must have said something along the lines of “Please, get out” in my head.

By 2021, we’d just fallen to status viewers with barely any interaction. Then, one day, I saw him post a girl along with a lengthy epistle, and it felt like a hit to my chest. I’d read research that heartbreak can feel like physical pain. That day, I woke up at 5 a.m., and the first thing I saw was his status. A part of me still thought it could work out, but that post really struck a chord.

Gboyega: It was around February 2021, when I’d started dating someone new. However, it was a long-distance relationship that ended in mid-2022. By 2023, while undergoing my national service, I met someone else.

We were together until January 2025, and I still wonder how I survived for that long. She was a serial cheater who toyed with my emotions to the point that it affected my mental and physical well-being. I looked terrible during that relationship. I was having sleepless nights. One day, I went to her office, and she wasn’t there. She said she was in the office, but she’d gone to the island. I called my cousin and told him I was done; I ended it that day.

Itunu: I also had my fair share of messed-up relationships. I dated someone in 2022, when I was in my final year. From the jump, I knew it couldn’t lead anywhere because he was Christian. Eventually, he ghosted me and broke up. Then, I had another situationship who messed with my head for about a year before I walked away.

After that, I remained single and went through a phase where I was done with men. My friends were scared, and my friend’s mum even reached out to ask if I was okay. I’d told them I was going to be the cool aunt who takes their kids to Disneyland. I’d given up on marriage.

Sounds tough. And how did the two of you get back in touch?

Gboyega: I started thinking about Itunu again around mid 2025. I asked myself the last time any of my romantic relationships made sense, and the only answer that bubbled to the top was my time with her. So I started picturing returning to her. But I didn’t even know if she was single.

Itunu: He called me around 10 p.m. in August 2025 and said he just wanted to check on me. I asked if everything was okay with his family, and I even asked if someone was sick, because I work in a hospital and people call me about that. He said no, he’d just remembered me. I checked my call log the next day to be sure it happened. It just felt really strange, almost like a blast-from-the-past kind of situation.

Still, that call got us talking again. We spoke on and off because I wasn’t really giving him the same level of attention as before. At some point, he asked me to help him optimise his LinkedIn profile, and I did.

I’d also ranted about a plumber who asked me out on my WhatsApp status, and he reacted to the post. We just had all these moments when he was really trying to worm his way back into what we used to have. But I didn’t make it so easy. I think he was looking to move out at the time, and because I’d navigated that before, he reached out to ask for tips. We had a long conversation about finances and budgeting, and that’s when my guard started to come down.

Gboyega: She told me not to leave my father’s house until I was ready. I was also trying to buy my way back into her life with food, and I know she noticed.

Itunu: He also sold me a phone on a flexible plan, gave me a charger and a screen guard for free, and didn’t charge me for delivery. By December, we were talking every day and had moved to video calls. Then I came to Lagos for work in January, and he picked me up from the airport with food. It felt really sweet. At that point, I hadn’t seen him in about six years, and I’d forgotten how tall he is.

Sounds cute. So how did you both get to the point of giving this a second shot?

Itunu: The truth is, I never stopped loving Gboyega. 2025 was a tough year for me. I had a major surgery and was running around by myself before my mum came. He had no idea at first, but when he found out, he came through. His default was to ask how he could make things better, and it just reminded me of why I liked him.

Understandably, my friends thought I was crazy because they knew he’d left me for someone else. But he felt different this time. He was more self-aware, more present, and less guarded. So I was open to trying again, under what seemed like better circumstances for both of us.

Gboyega: With Itunu, things just made sense. I’d also changed. In 2020, I was still in university and had no standing in my family. I was clueless about my career and intimidated by her drive. But by 2025, I’d levelled up. I’d finished school, working and had a better sense of my future. I’d also gotten to the point where I could make my own decisions without my family’s interference. It felt like everything aligned in our favour to do this again.

On May 9th, 2026, during a trip from Lagos to Ibadan, I asked her to be my girlfriend again. And here we are.

And how do you feel about her ambition now?

Gboyega: It’s part of why I’m with her. I’m only now figuring out what I want, and having someone who pushes me helps.

Itunu: We support each other. If I see an opportunity, I send it to him. I’m always telling him what to do for his business page on social media. I think he’s realised he needs that push, and I need it from him too. So we’ve found that balance.

Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Gboyega: The peace. My head has never been this quiet with anyone. I can sleep knowing she’s out there doing her thing, and I’m not bothered about where she is.

Itunu: It doesn’t feel new, because we’ve been in each other’s lives for so long. We communicate well, and we help each other grow. I don’t have to shrink myself to accommodate him. He lets me flex, and I love that about him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Itunu: 9.5. All the hurt from the past feels like it never happened because of how thoughtful and peaceful this has been. The 0.5 is because he has a chicken brain and acts like an old man.

Gboyega: A 10. After everything I’ve been through, this feels like the real thing. And I know the stress I’m not having.

Itunu: And he feeds me. What more can I ask for?

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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