Sex Talk: Be mindful; the world is very different

Are you wondering who occupies the countless expensive apartments going up daily in Kampala and its suburbs?

The answer you are looking for is: married people searching for a ‘painkiller’. I understand, concubines and side dishes are no longer called such; instead, they now refer to them as ‘Panadol’ by cheating spouses claiming unhappiness and pain in their marriages.

I know several well-heeled, married men, who are keeping furnished apartments away from their marital homes, just to have a place of ‘refuge’ when the home front jams. Before they know it, those spaces that were once refuges, soon have a ‘caretaker’ that indeed takes care of all their needs, and some polygamous marriages have started that way.

Others are rented by, again, married men seeking to have kept women or mistresses – the kind Yusuf Serunkuma has written about in his column recently.

But before you start preaching how ‘wives have suffered’, I will let you know that I have also witnessed a married woman rent the semi-detached house in the same compound as my friend, where she only brings her away matches about once a week.

During daytime too, so her husband possibly has no clue, since madam is always home by 5.30 pm! They usually drive in separately at around 11 am, greet the lone neighbour gracefully, then disappear into the unfurnished house for about an hour.

The house has no curtains, apart from the master bedroom so, it is easy to see it is not furnished elsewhere. And clearly, the tenant and her guests are not breaking bread! How we knew she was married?

She respects her husband enough to keep his wedding ring on. So, in this scorching September heat, go ahead and pause for a few hours just to fear married people. When did infidelity become so expensive? What is the state of your marriage?

Does your spouse yearn for a ‘panadol’ too, but you are even oblivious to their pain, loneliness and sexual thirst and/or frustration? If you want an even better idea of how frustrated some people are in their marriages, look up a TikToker called BabyBu256.

She recently posted a challenge for women to post comments on how their men treat them, using kitchen/food terms, to keep it clean and secure, and the comments knocked me out of my seat. Hilarious, but also alarming.

People are unhappy sexually, but also increasingly daring. Gone are the days of *‘eby’omunju tebitottolwa’ *(marriage is sacred and not to be discussed); an unhappy spouse no longer sits around and bemoans his/her fate.

They brazenly do something about it, so don’t be cocky about the sexless marriage you have imposed on your spouse. You could be creating for a landlord somewhere else, a willing and busy tenant while at it!

I don’t condone infidelity in marriage; I am only here to remind you that your spouse’s sexual happiness and satisfaction are your business. Sex bans by wives and sexual rejection by husbands may not give you the results you hoped for and instead, introduce a new level of toxicity. Be mutually mindful and intentional.

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