Sex is not a weapon to fight women with

Ok. So, here is the thing. We are women and just like men, we value respect and dignity. The majority of men do not perceive women as such, at least judging from how they describe their sexual encounters with women. They literally objectify them, raising banners for ‘conquering’ them.

Ase, chimene chija ndagwetsa! Eeeh, koma lero ndikasinja! Ujenitu wadya katundu uja. Amwene ndaliza munthu wa eni ake ngati wafeledwa. Ndukachimwela mthubulo chikadziwanso! Ndine mashini opangila mashini amzake, akandimva! Chimene chija sichindifunanso, ndinachikhaulitsa.

The above are some of the ways these men describe a woman they were just intimate with. They believe getting into her pants warrants them to brag about it, demeaning her while at it because why would someone nobly approach a woman only to be offensive about it. It doesn’t matter who she is or what she does for a living, but the fact that she was approached and convinced to sleep with a man, she is worth a second glance, time and intimacy.

This notion that intimacy demands one party to cry, feel pain or get ‘punished’ is retrogressive. I don’t know where men get this from and pat themselves on the back as ‘punishers’. That is abusive in a way and remove women as participants, relegating them to the receiving end. Has anyone ever taken the time to ask the women whether their thrill is from the screams?

And this idea of rushing to your homies to share bedroom antics and conquests, is that a mane’s thing? Why dissect a woman publicly, laying her bare for al to imagine when, it its was all about conquest and experiment, the man is equally idiotic?

I have never heard a woman compliment a man for having sinjadi her well. Or use any of the phrases above. If they are commendable and mutual, I believe women, too, should be bragging about the experience.

Intimacy is supposed to be enjoyable and comfortable for both parties. Not every supposed cry is from pleasure. Men must learn to understand their partners instead of rushing to ingest enhancements to prove their masculinity. It is not no wonder we are hearing about overdoses because men want to be what they are not and do the unthinkable. Mufa nazo. They are busy looking at advertisements and even taking on manhood enlargements.

Be civil about the woman you love or at least the one you undress for. Sex should not be a mission to accomplish. It is not a project to be completed with the hardest of finishes, but built step by step towards a beautiful finish. Don’t go in there hoping for a trophy or to find material to share with friends at a drinking joint. It is only a rapist who does not care about the woman’s emotions and how different is he from the man who brags about dealing with a woman in bed? Remember, that woman, too, has a story to tell about your antics and just as you brag, she might be telling others about the loser you really are. A total failure in bed! Bedroom performance has nothing to do with how hard you land. It’s give and take, not take, take and take.

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